I was swapping client horror stories with my co-worker the other day. We came to the conclusion that the things clients say and get away with in the design world would never fly in the real world. Imagine with me if you will, the following scenarios:
Client Opinions in the Doctor's Office
Doctor: I'm sorry to say that you have hepatitis.
Patient: No, I don't think that sounds right.
Doctor: No really, I've run the tests and you have hepatitis.
Patient: You obviously aren't understanding me - I'm looking at the same charts and it's not hepatitis.
Doctor: Believe it or not, I did go to school for this.
Patient: That's nice, but I'm paying for this visit which makes my opinion more important than yours.
Price Negotiation at the Car Lot
Customer: I can't believe this car cost this much!
Salesman: Well, that's the going rate for this kind of car.
Customer: Yeaaahh... but that's still more than I was hoping to spend. You could give me a discount, right?
Salesman: Well...
Customer: Since we're friends and all?
Salesman: Um...
Customer: Oh! I have an even better idea! You give me the car for free. Then everyone who sees me driving this awesome car will see your name on the license plate frame. I drive by at least a thousand people per day. That's over 7,000 people per week and 365,000 people per year!! Think off all the free business I'll be generating for you! So you see, giving me the car for free is really to your benefit.
Do-It-Myself Clients in the Dentist Office
Dentist: Alright, just open up and I'll have that cavity out in no time.
Patient: I don't know why I pay so much for this. It can't possibly be that hard.
Dentist: It’s actually more difficult than it looks.
Patient: I’m sure if I had the same tools, I'd be able to do this at home.
Dentist: The tools are rather expensive actually.
Patient: Oh. Well I can just grab some of my own tools and make them work just fine. Your tools are basically the same as my C-clamp and pliers, right? I have a small drill at home too - so that part will be no problem.
Design by Committee in the Garden of Eden
Adam: Yeah, so God, I know this Tiger project already has the "stamp of approval" and all, but Eve and I were thinking about making a few slight adjustments.
God: Such as?
Eve: Well, we like the stripes, but we don't love the stripes. How about stripes just on the back half?
Adam: A mane too - we think it should have mane.
God: I'm sorry, the mane was part of the design for the Lion branding.
Adam: Yeah, we know, but we were thinking that they would look really great together. Like, meshed and blended. After-all, if it looks good one one animal, it will look good on another.
Eve: The neck too - we were hoping for a more Giraffe-like neck on the Tiger. Ooo! Maybe the spots too!
God: It's my professional opinion that that will look ridiculous.
Adam: Well, why don't you draw up a few sketches anyways and we’ll tell you what we think.
Doctor: I'm sorry to say that you have hepatitis.
Patient: No, I don't think that sounds right.
Doctor: No really, I've run the tests and you have hepatitis.
Patient: You obviously aren't understanding me - I'm looking at the same charts and it's not hepatitis.
Doctor: Believe it or not, I did go to school for this.
Patient: That's nice, but I'm paying for this visit which makes my opinion more important than yours.
Price Negotiation at the Car Lot
Customer: I can't believe this car cost this much!
Salesman: Well, that's the going rate for this kind of car.
Customer: Yeaaahh... but that's still more than I was hoping to spend. You could give me a discount, right?
Salesman: Well...
Customer: Since we're friends and all?
Salesman: Um...
Customer: Oh! I have an even better idea! You give me the car for free. Then everyone who sees me driving this awesome car will see your name on the license plate frame. I drive by at least a thousand people per day. That's over 7,000 people per week and 365,000 people per year!! Think off all the free business I'll be generating for you! So you see, giving me the car for free is really to your benefit.
Do-It-Myself Clients in the Dentist Office
Dentist: Alright, just open up and I'll have that cavity out in no time.
Patient: I don't know why I pay so much for this. It can't possibly be that hard.
Dentist: It’s actually more difficult than it looks.
Patient: I’m sure if I had the same tools, I'd be able to do this at home.
Dentist: The tools are rather expensive actually.
Patient: Oh. Well I can just grab some of my own tools and make them work just fine. Your tools are basically the same as my C-clamp and pliers, right? I have a small drill at home too - so that part will be no problem.
Design by Committee in the Garden of Eden
Adam: Yeah, so God, I know this Tiger project already has the "stamp of approval" and all, but Eve and I were thinking about making a few slight adjustments.
God: Such as?
Eve: Well, we like the stripes, but we don't love the stripes. How about stripes just on the back half?
Adam: A mane too - we think it should have mane.
God: I'm sorry, the mane was part of the design for the Lion branding.
Adam: Yeah, we know, but we were thinking that they would look really great together. Like, meshed and blended. After-all, if it looks good one one animal, it will look good on another.
Eve: The neck too - we were hoping for a more Giraffe-like neck on the Tiger. Ooo! Maybe the spots too!
God: It's my professional opinion that that will look ridiculous.
Adam: Well, why don't you draw up a few sketches anyways and we’ll tell you what we think.
Many thanks to my co-worker, Jeff for helping me write the above scenes.
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this! You should submit this to a design magazine or something. I'm sure other designers feel exactly the same way. Loved those scenarios and have been through many of them, especially the design by committee, I believe thats what we do 90% of the time. Those and the email forwards with 15 FW: followed by 25 RE: and 45 CC: - oh the revisions we make to arrive at the starting point! :-P
ReplyDeleteHilarious. You are a witty lady. Im sorry that happens to you all the time. Must get annoying. At my place its this:
ReplyDeleteClient: I can feel the baby moving inside me
Us: You arent even pregnant ma'am
Client: I know Im pregnan! It's moving!! You guys just dont konw what you are talking about! (client storms out)
OR
Client: I know Im pregnant because my boyfriend has been throwing up.
Us: It is not actually possible to be pregnant just because your boyfriend is throwing up.
Client: No, its true. He is also having cravings, so I know I must be.
Us: Ok, whatever.
@John and Sarah - That is hysterical! Wait. It actually is - isn't that medically called a "hysterical pregnancy?"
ReplyDeleteThis post is too funny! And too true. :)
ReplyDeleteHave you seen http://clientsfromhell.net? Gabe reads it regularly. :)
ReplyDelete