Weston and Isaac's Birth Story (Part 2: Delivery)

I decided to break the twins' birth story into two parts (read part one here) because there was such a night-and-day difference between the labor and delivery, they just didn't belong in the same post. 


While my labor was calm and peaceful, with me being completely in-tune with my body and in-control of what was happening to me, the delivery was chaotic and stressful, with me being so distracted that I couldn't even tell when contractions were happening. I felt out-of-control to the point of panic at times. It was not at all what I had envisioned when I pictured the delivery of my sons, however I believe it would have been far worse had our midwife Belinda not stepped in to fight for us amidst the chaos of doctors and hospital politics. (I should mention here that the OB practice we went with offered something called "collaborative care" with twins. We were to be cared for and delivered by midwives, but a doctor would be available should an emergency arise.)


Chronologically, I can piece together very little of the twins' delivery besides the fact that Weston was born first and Isaac second. Things were so crazy in the O.R. that it's hard to remember what happened when, but I'll do my best. 


When I was wheeled into the O.R., I was trying so hard to stay focused and retain the calm that I had experienced in the labor room. However, the mood in the O.R. was full of nerves from the start and it was hard not to let that affect me. From what I can remember, there were somewhere around thirteen people in the room and they seemed to all be talking at once. The lights were fully up, and even though I asked (as did my midwives) that they be dimmed, the doctor (who suddenly felt she was in charge) refused. She also refused to let us video the birth, which was a part of our birth plan that her boss had signed off on. 


As I mentioned, this doctor started taking over immediately, without even introducing herself to us, without any respect towards us or our birth plan, and without any kind of emergency at hand. She poked and prodded me and made me feel like a lifeless specimen that just happened to be in the way of her and the babies. She broke my water too soon and without my permission. Oh, and did I mention that at one point she was sitting by my... ahem... while talking on her cell phone (loudly) about another patient? Um? Seriously? At that point I still wasn't sure who this woman was (again - she never introduced herself) and was just about to yell at her to get out. 


The difference between the doctor's "care" and that of the midwives was jarring and caused me great anxiety. There was a panic-inducing moment for me where I could not even see our midwives as they had basically been pushed to the back of the room. I asked Devin, "Where are Belinda and Diane??" and he made eye contact with Belinda with a gesture of "What on earth is going on?" She gave him a wink and literally elbowed her way back into position to catch the first baby.


I had a difficult time pushing Weston out. Partly due to the stress I was suddenly under and partly because, well, I've never pushed a human out of my body before and not only was it difficult, I wasn't sure how hard I actually had to push. Very hard it turns out. 


After a little over an hour of pushing, at 7:46 a.m. on October 17th, Weston Scot was born. He was pink, crying and perfect. Belinda put him on my chest immediately and I started nursing him. He was warm and gooey and wonderfully wide-eyed. Devin was right there by my side and we couldn't seem to grasp the fact that we were suddenly parents. I wish I could remember what we said to each other in that moment, but it is all so blurry.


Too soon, this sweet moment ended as it was time to get baby number two out. Weston was taken from us and examined just a few feet away. It was difficult at first to pull my attention away from him and the nurses surrounding him in order to focus on delivering his brother, but it quickly became apparent that getting "Baby B" out would take not only an incredible amount of focus on my part, but a major battle against a nervous doctor with a scalpel that she was itching to use.  


The tension in the room between Belinda and the doctor grew as Belinda tried to fight for the natural delivery she was confident we could achieve. But amidst her confidence and ours, was the doctor's constant flow of negative, stressful commentary.


"Baby B is getting tired!"  "She doesn't have an epidural?! Then we'll have to knock her out if she doesn't deliver him soon!" "Prepare for a c-section."


This of course caused me incredible stress, which in turn caused the baby to dip in and out of "distress", which caused the doctor to panic more, which caused me to panic more, etc. She said again and again, "Baby B is getting tired," and I asked her, "What do I need to do?" Her response was, "Nothing." It became clear to me then that this doctor was not interested in anything but a cesarean and wouldn't be helpful in achieving a vaginal delivery for the second baby. In a panic - I looked at Belinda, who again, gave us a confident wink and, again, elbowed her way back into the catching position. 


Belinda told the doctor, "You need to give her a chance to labor him down. He's in position, you just need to give her body a little time."


To which the doctor responded with something like, "He's too high for me to use forceps." 


At that point, Belinda made eye-contact with me and said, "Jen I need you to push as hard as you can." Though Belinda had to tell me when to push (as mentioned before, I was so stressed I couldn't feel the contractions), I pushed hard and brought the baby down. Belinda threw a saucy look towards the doctor as if to say, "You think you need forceps, huh?"


From that point on, the delivery consisted of Belinda fighting off the doctor while trying to get me to push as hard and as often as possible. We were in a battle against time and knew that if I didn't push this baby out soon, I would be knocked out and cut open. I honestly believe that if I had allowed an epidural to be placed (which Diane did not require of me even though her boss had recommended it "just in case"), I would have ended up with a cesarean for Baby B. As it was, I didn't have an epidural placed and therefore it wasn't as convenient for the doctor to default to cesarean because she knew she'd have to completely knock me out. This, and Belinda's determination, saved us from something that was not needed or wanted.


Belinda did everything she possibly could, including asking permission to give me a small episiotomy. I allowed it, as she and I both knew that because of the pressure from the doctor my choices were a small cut there or a giant cut across the belly. That cut was the only pain I remember from the birth - it was piercing and I know I screamed from the pain. The doctor remarked, "That's not an episiotomy - it's too small." To which Belinda retorted, "It's all she needs."


Things were incredibly tense and dramatic in that room and during this part of the birth was the only time Devin cried as we both prayed over and over again, "Lord please help us." We both felt so confident that this baby could be delivered vaginally and were so fearful that we would be given an "unnecesarean" because of a nervous doctor who didn't understand or believe in the process of natural birth. It had been clear from the moment we arrived in the O.R. that a cesarean was this doctor's assumed outcome for our delivery - she seemed to be looking for an opportunity the entire time.  

For about 30 minutes or so, I pushed intensely (I knew how hard I needed to push now) while the entire room screamed at me to "PUSH!!" While it was so frustrating to have so many people yelling at me, the baby was coming down and making progress naturally. Still, the doctor was on-edge (or perhaps just angry at this point that Belinda had been right). She put me on oxygen and I could still sense her pressuring Belinda. But God bless her, Belinda stood her ground (and ours) and at 8:41a.m., Isaac Knight was born. He was bright-eyed, crying robustly and latched on like a champ. (Belinda told me later, "When he came out like that, I thought, 'Ha! That baby's not in distress!'") He was perfect and healthy and we had achieved our natural birth safely, despite the many obstacles. Pulling down Devin's surgical mask, I gave him a big, grateful kiss on the lips. I then looked a Belinda and mouthed, "Thank you!" and in response, she winked.  

* * * 

Admiring Weston shortly after his birth 

Our new family of four

My husband, my coach, my encouragement, my hero

* * * 

(L) Belinda with Isaac
(R) Jacqueline with the boys 

Devin and I can not express enough our thankfulness for the thoughtful care we received from our midwives throughout the pregnancy and during the birth. Thank you ladies for believing in us and in the natural design of pregnancy and birth. 

We are also grateful for the sweet, calming presence of our doula, Jacqueline.

Additional thanks to our Bradley instructors Crystal and Paul for all the great knowledge about the natural birth process. 

There were so many answered prayers throughout this pregnancy and all the way through the birth - to those of you who spent so much time in prayer on our behalf - thank you, we were amazing at how God answered so specifically.

We are so grateful for the incredible support-team God provided us through each of you. 

And certainly, we must express our praise to God for His incredible design, for a safe pregnancy and for allowing us to take part in experiencing the miracle of birth. Praise You above all.

Weston and Isaac's Birth Story (Part 1: Labor)

After many months of preparing and learning (using mainly the Bradley Method), we were able to achieve the natural, unmediated childbirth that we had hoped for. We had a beautiful, peaceful labor and a delivery that can only be described as "dramatic" but one which God's hand of protection was completely involved in every step of the way. We also have to thank our incredible team of nurse-midwifes who took such wonderful care of us during the pregnancy and allowed us to let the twins come when they were ready (which happened to be 6 days past their estimated due date) and encouraged us to still go for a natural birth, even though Isaac was breech until around 38 weeks (when he turned on his own). Truly, I can not say enough positive things about midwife care - personal, encouraging, sensitive, relaxed and fun. I've honestly missed those ladies since we've had the twins - something I would never say about any other health care provider I've ever had. 


Now, without further ado, here is part one of Weston and Isaac's birth story: 


Friday night October 14th, after trying for ten straight days to induce labor naturally at home, I was pretty desperate. Desperate enough to make this video, and crazy enough to actually post my shenanigans on the Internet. Pregnancy does strange things to people. 


Saturday morning around 10:00 a.m. I started having mild, but consistent Braxton Hicks contractions, about 30 minutes apart. By that afternoon, I was having stronger, but still mild, contractions about 10 minutes apart. Devin was ready to rush to the hospital, but I wanted to wait. I didn't feel they were strong enough yet. Around 9:00 p.m. we called our midwife and doula to let them know what was going on and decided to try and get some rest as we assumed we'd be heading to the hospital later that night. 


Well. After timing contractions all night long, we were no better rested and no further along in labor. By 1:00 p.m. on Sunday I was very discouraged and very tired. I called the midwife on-call (Diane) to give her an update and beg her for some tips to get labor going stronger. Her recommendation was to "Stop timing contractions for heaven sakes and relax! Ignore the contractions until you can't anymore." She also may have prescribed "sex and a shot of whiskey"... which we may or may not have tried... 


Afterwards... I was able to sleep for a couple of hours and woke up to much stronger contractions about five-to-ten minutes apart. This is when I would say my labor actually started in earnest. I had to move around to manage the contractions - I sat on a yoga ball, did a lot of swaying and dipped into plié squats. As the contractions increased in intensity, I found it most comfortable to lean forward against the wall or door jam, do some pliés and have Devin press against my lower back. We turned the lights down, lit some candles and listened to praise and worship music. So while the contractions were intense, I was very peaceful and relaxed laboring at home. Devin was such an amazing coach - softly speaking words of encouragement to me during contractions and making sure I drank plenty of water and ate a little something in-between contractions. He was my hero the whole night. 

In labor and ready to go to the hospital

Around 6:30 p.m. we had our doula, Jacqueline, come over and I labored a little in bed with Devin rubbing my back and Jacqueline rubbing my legs/feet. Around 8:00 p.m. contractions were still very strong and about four minutes apart. I decided it was time to go to the hospital because I didn't think I could handle more than four or five of these contractions in the car (it was about a fifteen minute drive). 



When we got to the hospital, I had to concentrate very hard on my labor and try to drown out anything else that was going on around me in the waiting room. I hate hospitals and the last thing I wanted was to get distracted or stressed and slow down my labor. Finally, I got checked-in and Diane was right there to meet us in triage. She checked my progress and was delighted to announce that I was already at 6cm and 90% effaced. I was so excited that I'd progressed that much on my own at home in such a relaxed atmosphere. 

Laboring in the tub - so grateful that our midwives
pushed for the hospital to get one of these 

We moved into the labor room and because I wasn't hooked up to an IV, epidual or any monitors, I was able to sit in a labor tub which was beyond amazing. I'm not even kidding when I say being in that warm water cut the pain in half. It also made it easier for me to move around and maintain a low squat while relaxing on the side of the tub. We had the lights low, the room quite and worship music on softly. Devin was constantly by my side offering love and encouragement and pressing my back through each contraction. Jacqueline was there to assist Devin and she quoted uplifting scripture verses often. Diane sat back and let me run things, only checking the babies' heart rates every-once-in-a-while, but otherwise staying hands-off an allowing Devin and I (with Jacqueline's assistance) to do what we needed to do. Diane kept the "hospital feel" of the labor down to a bare minimum and I was so grateful. While it was certainly difficult physically, I felt at peace and was in complete control of my labor.


I started transition around 2:00 a.m. (maybe??) and the contractions were very intense and one right on top on another. If I wasn't in the tub, I was shaking like crazy and in horrible discomfort. It was incredibly hard, but I knew transition meant it would be time to push soon and meet my babies. I was so focused on the labor that I had to come out of a comma-like haze anytime someone asked me a question or gave me something to drink.


Then, I'm not sure what happened (neither were our doula or midwife), I just seemed to stall. I was still in transition with horribly intense, constant contractions, but I just stayed in that phase for hours. I think maybe my body was just worn-out because even though contractions were only minutes apart, I was falling asleep in-between them. It was an exhausting few hours, but I knew my body was doing what it needed to do and I was thankful to have a birth team that wasn't rushing me or telling me I had "failure to progress." 


Sometime between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. I started trying to push while in the tub. Then I moved to the bed and pushed a few times on my hands and knees and then used the squat bar. It was so helpful to be able to move around like I needed to. It helped me feel calm and in-control, which helped me to be able to manage the labor better. 


By 6:30 a.m. Diane announced it was time to move into delivery. Unfortunately, with twins, the hospital policies forced us to delivery in the O.R. "just in case". As they wheeled me into the O.R. I had to fight really hard to stay focused and calm - the peaceful atmosphere of the labor room was replaced by movement, bright lights and lots of people I'd never seen before. Just as we reached the O.R. our other midwife Belinda joined us. She had been in Las Vegas all weekend and had joked with me that she and I had a "date" on Monday to deliver my babies. Sure enough, she had stayed abreast of our labor via texts from Diane and had made it back in time to catch our little ones. Which ended up being such an answer to prayer because while Diane's calming, hands-off presence gave us a beautiful labor, we were going to need Belinda's spunk and determination to get us through what was waiting for us in the O.R. 


Up Next: "Part Two: Delivery"

39 Weeks and Counting...

39 Weeks

I really didn't think it was possible that I'd still be pregnant with twins at 39 weeks. I mean, I knew it could and does happen sometimes to some people, I just didn't think it would happen to me. ;-) Plus, when everyone (including my midwives) told me over and over that I'd probably pop between 37-38 weeks, the fact that I'm 39 weeks and still have no obvious signs of labor is about enough to drive me batty with waiting (not to mention the physical pain of carrying twins so long). And since there are no medical issues present, medical induction isn't something we're considering (I don't want to make my labor any harder than it's going to be and labor-inducing drugs can cause some killer contractions and increase the likelihood of a cesarean). As far as all the "at home" labor-inducing tricks? So far: not working.

I realized today however, after reflecting on my last pregnancy post, that all those potential pregnant-with-twins complications that I've somehow been spared are exactly the reason why I'm still pregnant. So really, I can't complain too much - I'd be calling my blessings a curse. Yes, I'm still pregnant (and I'll be honest, pretty miserable) but it's because my body and my babies are staying healthy and low-risk, so why should my sons come out right now? Never mind that I've got somewhere around 35+lbs of pressure bearing down on the exit route (which I'd think would be cause enough for an early eviction date). These babies seem perfectly content to stay put for now and I need to remind myself to be grateful for that... sometimes daily hourly every-other-minute.


Hangin' in there...

36-Weeks and Counting

I thought I should blog at least once more under the category of "Pregnant with Twins" while I still can, because who knows how soon these boys might make their grand entrance!

We've reached the 36-week mark, which is a great milestone for a twin pregnancy. I'm still up and about (however slowly, and often painfully), I'm still working 40-hours-a-week, I'm still able to get (some) sleep (somewhat) comfortably in my own bed, and while the aches and pains are increasing, every day I'm still pregnant is a day to be grateful that Weston and Isaac are staying exactly where they need to be right now. While making it to 36-weeks with twins is great, should they be born now, they would still spend some time in the NICU. I'm praying that they make it to 38-weeks as little-to-no complications would be expected at that point. 

This pregnancy had been so incredibly unusual. I don't mean because I'm carrying twins (as that is an anomaly in and of itself), but because I'm carrying twins and staying so unusually low-risk. All the ailments and complications that are common with twin pregnancy - unbearable morning sickness, bedrest, gestational diabetes, preterm labor (birth prior to 37-weeks: almost safe from that one!), uneven growth of the babies, crazy mood swings (oh, wait - that is pregnancy in general), placental abruption... the list of things that I have avoided goes on and on and on. I totally don't get it, but I feel so blessed.  

Beyond God's grace (which for some reason He decide to doll out generously in this pregnancy), I think a lot of what I've been experiencing (or not experiencing) is due largely to some of the natural child birth methods I'm been applying.  

For example, I've been on a very healthy, high-protein diet (the Brewer Diet) which seems to have kept the babies and myself healthy and growing strong. Not only that, I'm convinced that this diet has helped to keep any crazy mood swings at bay. (Interestingly, emotional meltdowns - in pregnant women, children and humans in general - are often due in part to low blood sugar and poor diet.) Though I have been making extra efforts to choose to be calm, positive and sane during this pregnancy, I think the balanced meals have helped.

Something else that has been irreplaceable during my pregnancy is the amazing care and encouragement that Devin, the babies and I have received from our team of midwives. The practice we were with for the first three months would talk very often about how "high-risk" I was simply for having twins and that caused a lot of undo stress on me, especially since there were no high-risk signs - the doctors just seemed to assume I'd be high-risk and didn't take me into consideration as an individual. 

When we switched to midwife care, there was such a drastic change in attitude towards my twin pregnancy that I was instantly calmed and the anxiety I felt over carrying twins was lifted. While the midwives acknowledged "twins can be ornery sometimes", they were also encouraging about how healthy I was, how my body was designed to bear and birth babies and just because I was carrying twins did not mean I was "high risk" unless signs of something "high risk" actually manifested. What a relief and what an encouragement not to worry so much about all the "what ifs" and just concentrate on staying healthy, being positive and growing some babies!

36-week belly picture

And growing they are! My belly is a shocking, mis-proportioned protrusion that causes eye-bugging from passer byers wherever I go. Others' reactions have been a source of great amusement for me. 

It is so strange to think that we'll be welcoming Weston and Isaac into our lives any day now. I've finally come to grips with being pregnant (just in time huh?) and feel as prepared as I can be for labor. I can even imagine what it might be like to see and hold our little guys for the first time. But when I think about bringing them home - into our apartment, our schedules, our lives forever - that is really hard to wrap my "doesn't handle change- even good change- well" mind around.  

That we are in for a life-altering adventure there is no doubt. That we will be stretched, challenged and desperately dependent on God's grace, wisdom and strength to get us through this journey - I'm convinced. I'm excited for it all and not ready for any of it, but God chose to give us these unexpected blessings and I fully trust that He'll equip us to handle these gifts. Here we go!

Goal #44 - Dates with Devin (13 and 14 of 20)

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here. 


Goal #44: Go on 20 of the dates listed in the books Dates on a Dime and Coffee Dates for Couples  (Please Note: I have no recollection whatsoever of what we did for the 12th date, but I know we did something because I tallied it off of The List.) 


There's nothing that can shock you back into dating your spouse quite like preparing to have twins (okay - maybe preparing to have triplets would be more of a shock...). About a week ago Devin casually commented, "Do you realize that we only have three-to-four more weekends of it being just the two of us and then we are parents forever?"  

FOREVER. FORRR-EEEE-VEEERRR. (Sandlot anyone?) 


As those words were echoing through the space between us in the car (and then came back around to smack us in the face once more) - we realized we'd better get some more dating in before our world is shifted forever. (FOR-E-VER...) 


Date 13-of-20: 

From Dates on a Dime: "Using your best china, dine by candlelight at home. Remember to keep it simple: serve a meal from the grocer's freezer case."


This one ended up being kind of a dud. There were candles, there were nice dishes, there were easy (but yummy) leftovers and their were two people sitting at the table. But romantic? Not so much. A date? Hardly. Probably due to the fact that I didn't really present it as "a romantic date at home." My attempt to create a spontaneous, romantic dinner turned out to be fifteen minutes of the two of us silently eating food in a dark room. Oh well, better luck next time. 


Date 14-of-20: 

From Dates on a Dime: "Check out your employee benefits packages. They might include special rates on theme parks, hotels, etc." 


Now we were talking! Labor Day weekend Devin stole me away (but not too far away - we needed to stay close to the hospital just in case) for a two-night stay at a lovely hotel in Scottsdale for which his FedEx employee status afforded us a discount. It was fantastic.


We were able to relax all weekend - far, far away from to do lists, obligations, and our currently discombobulated apartment. We swam, watched movies, cranked the AC to 70 degrees without worrying about the electric bill, talked about the future, slept as long and as often as we wanted to (gotta cherish that privilege while we can), went out to a nice dinner, went on a couple of coffee dates (decaf for me of course), played nerdy computer games, and just had an all-around great time spending time just the two of us. It was wonderful. (I also made daily use of the giant jacuzzi tub and boy did it help my carrying-twins aches and pains!) 

The whole weekend was romantic and refreshing and wonderful and reminded me again how much I really, really like my husband. He's pretty alright. ;-) 


Funny Side Story: The looks we received while out-and-about were amusing. The size of my belly and the fact that I'm still mobile is quite shocking to some people apparently. We walked into an art gallery and while the curator greeted us kindly, he also asked (with a slight look of concern in his eyes) if we were trying to get labor started. I imagine he was just praying that my water didn't break in his pristine showroom. 


Another time, we were out to lunch at Paradise Bakery and the couple in the booth next to us said with an only somewhat joking tone, "Now, you can sit in this booth, just don't have the baby here!" Devin tried to ease their minds by telling them we were pregnant with twins and still had a few more weeks to go until our due date. It didn't seem to help as the man responded, "But twins come early!" I hope they were able to still enjoy their lunch with the Time Bomb sitting just inches from them. :-) 


To be fair, I can't really blame people. Check out this 35-weeks-pregnant-with-twins time bomb:

BOOM BABY!

Goal #39 COMPLETE: Calm My Anxious Heart

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here. 

Goal 39: Read Calm My Anxious Heart - COMPLETE

 

Hi. My name is Jennifer and I'm a worryaholic.

Hi Jennifer.

I have a problem - an addiction if you will. My drugs of choice? - "Whys?" "What Ifs" and "If Onlys." I put this book on The List as the first step to recovery (admitting I had a problem). The second step was actually reading the book. From there, the steps get kinda fuzzy, but I know two things: 1) I feel like something can, should and will be done about my worry problem. 2) I am very grateful that I read this book when I did (about a month before my due date).

As if my constant battle with worrying weren't chronic enough, I've now got motherhood to add to my easy excuses as to why it's "okay" to worry. We've all heard it said, "It's a mother's job to worry." And trust me, you hear it (and read it) even more when you're pregnant. (And probably even more when you have the kid.)

But if a mother claims to put her trust in God, how can worrying be her purpose as a mother? It makes no sense and the contradiction can't possibly be Biblical. (Even if a mother doesn't claim to trust in God, I think we can all agree worry is useless and gets us nowhere.) 

While I don't know the Bible cover-to-cover, I can't remember ever finding or hearing about a verse that gives believers permission to worry. Instead, we are told: Trust in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6), Do not worry (Matthew 6:25-34), Do not be anxious (Phil. 4:6), Be content in everything (Phil. 4:11). But a cop-out for worrying even though God tells us not to? It ain't in there folks.

Another area where worry gets a hold of me - my actions, not just my thoughts - is in the area of control. I'm a planner and a doer and "waiting on the Lord" is not in my instincts. I'd much rather say a quick prayer and then plunge ahead with my plans if I don't get a speedy response. I "take" control from God when I feel He's being too slow in giving me a clear, precise direction. Being that God is ultimately in control, it shouldn't keep surprising me that time and time again this course of action has done me zero good and brings me right back to worrying as I wonder, "Will this work?" or "Did I make the right decision?" or "What now?"

(Now, the flip-side to this is stepping out in faith. Not really sure yet how "waiting on the Lord" and "stepping out in faith" work together, but I do know that "stepping out in faith in myself" hasn't worked out so great in my life.)

My biggest take-away and put-it-into-action from this book has been learning to turn my worries into praise and prayer. Here's an example: Worry: I don't feel prepared to become a mom. Praise: Thank You Lord for choosing to bless me with these two little boys. Prayer: God, please teach me to be a good, godly mom. Show me how to live in a way that teaches my sons to love You and love others. I need Your help Lord - I know I can't do it without You.

This practice has helped me a lot and it gives my whirling, worrying mind something positive to focus on and causes me to spend more time in prayer admitting my need for God rather than trying to rely on myself (and thus adding to the my stress, worry and burdens).

Second-to-Bottom Line: Worry is no fun. It's a waste of time and energy. It's un-Biblical.

Actual Bottom Line: Not worrying is something that is learned - it takes practice and trust and I've got a big ol' "Work In Progress" sign on my heart and head right now.

"As we grow in trusting God in all things, our contentment becomes an act of worship... we worship God more by contentment than when we come to hear a sermon or spend a half-hour in prayer. These are certainly acts of worshiping God, but they are only external. The soul worship of God is to be content with what He gives, to be thankful in all things." - Calm My Anxious Heart

What's in a Name? (part two)

(read part one here)

Soooo... where was I? Oh yes, I was getting ready to tell you the names we've pick for the twins. Thanks for your patience. (Not that I gave you much of a choice.)

Not only do I really love the names we've chosen, I also like the fact that Devin suggested one twin's first name, while I suggested that twin's middle name, and I suggested the other twin's first name, while Devin suggested his middle name (did you follow that?). It was not on purpose that we so evenly shared the naming of the babies, but I'm glad it worked out like it did.

Now, I think you've waited long enough. The names of the Hanson twins will be...

(The little game we played to announce the names to our families)

Weston Scot Hanson and Isaac Knight Hanson!

(I bet you can guess which middle name caused all the drama ;-))

"Weston" was the name Devin had liked for so long and "Scot" is my dad's middle name and what I have always wanted to use as a middle name for my son. (It is also the middle name of both of my brothers, and the first names of my cousin and his son.) This was our "easy" pick for a boy's name.

Isaac's name was my suggestion for a number of reasons: 

1) It means "laughter" which is absolutely what we did when we found out were having twins (the kind of disbelieving, baffled laughter that Abraham and Sarah expressed when they were told they would give birth to a son in their old age). 

2) The story of Isaac in the Bible is one of God's astonishing provision, which is something we've seen so much of in our lives since finding out we were having these babies. 

3) The pastor we primarily served with in Uganda is named Papa Isaac (I wrote about him here and here) and while our son isn't exactly named after him, our time in Uganda (while pregnant with the twins) was very significant to us and Isaac's name is an important reminder of all we learned while preparing for and serving in Uganda.

And then there is "Knight" - the middle name I rolled my eyes at, laughed at, refused to even consider, and made Devin vigorously scribble off the list, but then ended up loving in the end. Not only is it cool (let's face it -it's awesome), it means "noble soldier" which I think is a wonderful title to christen a son with. 

So there you have it! The names and the reasons behind them.

What's in a Name?

On occasion, there are things that Devin does or suggests that make me think he is crazy, but that eventually grow on me. (This is because he has a visionary, spontaneous, adventurous spirit while I have to take time to process, plan and analyze every little angle of each little detail.) The naming of the twins was no exception.

I didn't care for his favorite boy name when he first shared it with me (this was before we were pregnant). I didn't think he was crazy, I just didn't like the name. Problem was, Devin really, really liked the name and had since before we met. Fortunately, I ended up falling in love with his name, he ended up really liking my "always been a favorite" middle name and -voila!- we unofficially had a boy name should we ever have a son (which, of course, we did - times two).

Then, we discovered we were pregnant with twins boys and the task of finding a second boy name (and a middle name) that we could both agree on and that sounded good with the previously elected name became... shall we say, challenging? Emotional? Tension-filled? Take your pick- they were all there at one time or another during the early stages of the process.

The Process: For about a week, we separately poured over thousands of baby names (until I was just about really to poke my eyeballs out) and each made a list of our favorites.

The Criteria: Strong, solid names that weren't too common, but not so unique that they couldn't be taken seriously in a boardroom. (This is how we felt about the first baby name we had picked.)

The Moment of Truth: We compared lists. My list was short, Devin's list was about three times as long. Between us, there was only one name that appeared on both lists and I was baffled by some of Devin's name choices. Apparently, our definitions of "strong and solid" were completely different (he didn't like my name choices either by the way). I honestly wondered how on earth we would ever pick the second twin's name. It seemed our preferences were so at odds that I would either have a very disappointed husband when I refused to choose one of his recommend names, or I would have a son whose name I would quickly mumble upon every new introduction out of sheer embarrassment.

There was one name in particular, Devin's top choice for a middle name, that was so poorly received by me that it was scratched out beyond recognition on the sheet of paper where it lay. But the more I stared at that scribble of ink, the more I thought about the name and why Devin liked it so much, the more I started to be attracted to it. Before I knew it, I had agreed to this "crazy" middle name and liked it more than any of the other three names we had (finally) decided on. Miracle upon miracle - our boys had names that we both really loved! (By this point the process had become really fun and we couldn't help but grin when we whispered our secret names to our little buns in the oven.)

Then Devin proclaimed that he might want to wait until the boys were born to announce their names - which I thought was completely ridiculous. However, the more we talked about how much that decision meant to Devin, the more I realized the idea didn't really bother me. (Isn't it strange how often we hang on to something, not because it's necessarily what we want, but because that's just not the way we are used to having things done?) I agreed that we would announce the names whenever Devin decided the time was right and I was genuinely content to wait until the birth. (Some friends and family were a little less eager to wait that long and tried very hard (::ahem:: Megan) to wriggle it out of us.)

Recently though, Devin came to the conclusion that he was just too excited about the names and wanted to share them pre-birth after all. So at my birthday dinner this past weekend, we did just that!

Hmm... this post has gotten much longer than intended, so I'll save the name announcement for tomorrow. (Don't hate me too much...)

Progress on the Double Denial

Sometimes my blog entries serve as an outlet for me to get my jumbled thoughts and feelings out of my head and into some kinds of workable order. It also brings about some accountability from my readers (whether they actually express it or not). Often these things will result in something actually getting done. In the case of being in denial about the babies coming, the blogosphere stars seemed to have aligned to cause a (somewhat) steady burst of motivation. 

Something else that kicked me into high gear was when my friend Alejandra read my double denial post and told me she (and her husband!) could come over and help me with The Baby To Do List. I quickly accepted her offer. One little problem - I hadn't actually made the list yet. Problem number two: while I had some specific painting and sewing projects they could help with, I didn't actually have the paint for which to paint with or the material for which to sew with. Thus, Alejandra's offer gave me the kick start I needed to get down, get busy and get out of denial! (At lease a little - I am pregnant with twins after all, which still (sometimes daily) comes as quite a shock.)

So two Saturdays ago, Devin, Jose, Alejanda and I spent many hours prepping for the babies. Our apartment was a flurry of sewing, painting and crib assembly (and Jose was awarded the privilege of cutting out 60+ fleece "butt wipes" for our cloth diapering system). We got a whole lot done and oh my goodness do I feel so much better when I look at my Baby To Do List! 

Not only was it such a blessing to have two extra people helping to conquer projects, having fabulous company (such as we did with Ale and Jose) made the work day fun and the time pass much faster. Thank you Alejandra and Jose!!! 

Here's a little sneak peak at some of the progress we made on the boys' room...

Our guestroom, turned office, turned nursery was already fully decorated with black and white, so we decided to embrace what was already there and simply make some small (and inexpensive) changes that would give the room more of a "little boy" feel. Black and white polka-dots and some splashes of bright color were our solutions.

Our color inspiration came from these little guys - our Uganda souvenirs for the twins:

(No, we are not doing a giraffe theme (sorry Marla) or an Africa theme or a Zoo theme (sorry again Marla) - just picking up on the colors.)

I snagged these cute chalkboard storage bins at Goodwill for $2.50 each, but they obviously needed a little spray paint lovin' (which I left up to my non-pregnant husband and friends). I absolutely love how they turned out!

(the chest was also a Goodwill purchase that Devin revamped a while back.)

Last little detail I'll show - a homemade card (created from vintage game cards) from my cousin Marla. I framed it and turned it into some quick, cute (and cheap) twin nursery art.

Speaking of Baby Baby - here I am 28 weeks pregnant. Hello third trimester!

So that's your little preview of the nursery. What's funny about our color scheme (something I didn't realize until days later) is that the colors we chose ended up being ♫ "red and yellow, black and white..." ♫ (you know the rest if you grew up anywhere near a church). To make things even better - guess what the colors of the Ugandan flag are?

Yep - black, red and yellow. Totally unintentional on both accounts, but I kinda love it. :-)

Double Denial

A friend requested that I do a little pregnancy update over here on the blog, so here I am to give you a peak inside some of the twin-mama brain activity (or lack there of) happening right now.

Pregnant with Twins at 25 Weeks:

The other day, my sister-in-law asked Devin and I what stage we were at in regards to preparing for the twins (meaning – nursery set-up, shopping, names, etc). Without even looking at each other, Devin and I answered her question in a sort-of dazed deadpan. “Denial,” we said in tandem.

Yep major, big time, not-much-is-getting-done-because-of-it denial going on over here. Seriously – the babies could arrive in 12 weeks (hopefully no sooner) and we gotta snap out of this. Which would probably be easier if we weren’t both so exhausted (Devin from working at 3:00am, me from not sleeping well and growing two humans inside of me). 

What's more, according to all my twin-mama friends, that little burst of nesting energy in the second trimester just doesn't happen with twin pregnancies. Which is a bummer because I was kinda counting on that. Instead I've got denial and an ever-increasing pile of To Do's.

Examples:

I should probably be stocking up on all the money-saving, baby item deals that my mama friends keep sending me. But when I see the deals I think, “We’ve got time, I don’t need to get that just yet.” Then by the time I’ve convince myself that we don’t in fact have a ton of time, the deal is already gone.

I should probably be reading some sort of literature (even if it’s just one book) about what to do after the twins arrive. I’ve educated myself on how I’d like to get them here, just not what to do with them once they arrive. Now, I’m the oldest of five and was thirteen by the time sibling #2 arrived, so I did my share of diaper duty, bottle feeding and rocking fussy babies. I know that I'm probably more prepared than many first-time mamas, yet I still feel something akin to panic coming on.

I should probably do something about our half-baked nursery that doesn't even have the basics ready. The crib for example - I've heard that's kinda the number one basic to have ready. However, the one-of-two cribs that is assembled is currently being used as storage space for all the baby stuff that I have no idea what to do with or where to put (which is pretty much all of it). 

So all of this - and a slew of other To Do's - have landed me in this state of overwhelmed-to-the-point-of-inactivity called "denial." It doesn't help that there are some potential events such as bed rest or early labor that could cut down my "get it done" time considerably. You'd think that would motivated me - but no such luck. 

There are a few things that are getting done - I'm eating healthy, I'm exercising, I'm going to my doctor's appointments and natural birthing classes. So my "pregnancy" basics are covered. Which is to say, I'm certainly not in denial that I'm pregnant, just that this pregnancy is inevitably due (har har) to produce two infants. And that, my friends, is something I just can't get my brain around enough to prepare for.

Goal #33 COMPLETE: Summer Preggo Pedi

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here. 

Goal #33: Get a pedicure on the first day of summer - COMPLETE

Well Happy Toes to me and Happy First Day of Summer to you!

I can probably count on one hand (or foot) the number of pedicures I've received in my lifetime. It's not that I don't like them - I most certainly do. I'm just plain, too darn cheap to spend that kind of money on my toes unless something really special is happening (like getting married... which was the occasion for my most recent pedicure... a year-and-a-half ago.) 

Even though this was one of my more self-indulgent goals, I didn't feel all that bad about completing it. In fact, this little bit of non-necessity pampering could not have come at a better time. Mainly because the difficulty in reaching my toes is increasing daily and my normally neatly trimmed and painted-at-home "piggies" were ready to cry their gnarly selves "wee, wee, wee" all the way to the spa.

Also - it's morbidly hot in Phoenix right now and being quite pregnant, I feel gross, sweaty and greasy most of the time. It was nice to get something "pretty" done to my rapidly blossoming body. Even if it was just to the toes that I will not be able to see soon.

So during my lunch break, while the weather outside was a blazing 105 degrees (at which point, in my opinion, summer is far beyond beginning and already in full, sweltering swing), I went for a pedicure. It was a delightful way to take a breather from an otherwise hectic (and hot - did I mention hot?) day at work. Bring on the crazy deadlines and the crazier clients - this mama's relaxed, beautified and ready for just about anything! (Except for maybe the heat.)


Bonus, Random Fact of the Day: Here's something you may not know, or care to know (but I'll tell you anyways) - If a person's second toe is longer than his/her big toe, it is called "Morton's Toe" of which, as you can see from the image above, I have a mild case of.

A Unique Approach to Prenatal Care

"Don't listen to anything the nurses tell you on the birthing tour about what to expect in the hospital - it's all rubbish." 

If I was not already confident that switching to midwifery care for the Twins was the right decision for our family, hearing those words come out of the mouth of our nurse-midwife served to solidify that we'd chosen the right person. A person who would be our champion as we attempted a natural, twin hospital birth, who would instill confidence in me that I was pregnant, not sick-and-needing-medical-intervention, and that unless something weird happened, my body was designed to birth babies and I would be just fine.

This conversation took place among other young, first time moms and dads at our Family Circle group prenatal care meeting - something I had never heard of prior to switching to my current provider, but would highly recommend to anyone who has the option. How this form of prenatal care works is this: all the moms and dads in our group meet on the same evening for their prenatal care (except for ultrasounds and special appointments) and the parents are hands-on involved the whole time. 

As a couple, Devin and I went to each "station" and recorded my blood pressure, my weight and even tested my urine for protein and glucose levels (yeah, that part was a little weird). All the stuff that the nurses normally do as you're waiting to see the doctor - we did ourselves. The coolest part however was when we had "tummy time" - a private meeting with the midwife to raise any personal concerns and to check the babies' heartbeats. But get this - not the midwife, nor the nurse checked the heartbeats - Devin did! They just handed him the doppler and he found and recorded the heartbeats (with a small amount of supervision as the second baby was a little harder to find than the first). It was such a neat experience and I absolutely love this hands-on, laid-back, confidence-building approach to prenatal care. 

After we all made it through the four stations, the couples had "group time" and we asked pregnancy-related questions, shared what's happened in our lives since the last meeting and had some prenatal and birthing education from our midwife instructor. There are about ten other couples in our group and there is a huge amount of diversity among us which I think will be a really neat ministry position to be in as we build relationships with them over the next few months. 

We had such a good time during this class and in addition to the the unique hands-on approach, we were all laughing our heads off at the antics of our hilarious, straight-forward, easy-going, British midwife as she taught the class. She is truly a hoot. 

This is going to be great. 

P.S. This is all taking place at Valley Women for Women should you live in area and be interested in something like this for future pregnancies. Also - it is not only for "young, first-time" parents, that just happens to be what our group is made out of.