Looking for Passion

Have you ever felt passionateless? It's not a word, I know, but if you've ever felt the feeling of passionateless then you know how real it is - despite the fact that it won't show up in a dictionary. It's the feeling of lethargy, frustration and all-around blah. The desire to move and do something worthwhile but being weighed down by the realization that there does not exist within you but a glimmer of fire for any one particular idea or cause to get wholeheartedly involved in.

I'm not going to get all boo-hooy (also not a word) on you, but I will say that for a long while I've been without something to be truly passionate about and involved in. I'm still searching and honestly, I'm still a bit disheartened, but some things happened the other day that gave me real hope. 

For starters, I read this post over at Missy's which completely spoke to my heart's lack of passionate feelings. I was really challenged by her statement that if I don't know what my passion is or what to do about it - I should start by vigorously searching the Bible and praying for God to show me His heart on certain matters - thus paving the way for my heart to be drawn to something worth investing my time and life into. More importantly, before I get caught up searching for a cause to be passionate about, I'd better start by first searching for and building a deep passion for God.

So, let's back up a few days: This past week I was feeling really unsettled at how long (looooong) it has been since I have read my Bible. Convicted, I got up early a couple of days to read, but as usual, was really struggling as to what to read. I also considered the fact that I've been a Christian with the gift of literacy for a good long while now and I have never once read the Bible all the way through. Shoot - I am fairly certain that there are large portions of the Bible that I have never read.

Fast-forward to Sunday morning. Our pastor, to celebrate the beginning of a new year, handed out a Bible reading schedule that would walk us through different portions of scripture every day for 52 weeks - taking us through the entire Bible by the end. How perfectly timed was that? Which, speaking of perfect, reminds me that this chart is covered with glorious little check boxes to mark what you've read each day- which I, being the list maker that I am, absolutely adore. 

(aren't those little boxes and neat little columns just so beautiful?)

So, Sunday had me all fired up and ready to get serious about seeking God with passion and then Monday came. And Monday was r.o.t.t.e.n. I woke up late and tired, I didn't read my Bible and rushed to work. Work was stressful and incredible gloomy due to the recent death of one of our former co-workers. The whole office is in a bit of a depression and it made for a really sad place to be for eight hours.

I left work that day more desperate to get away with God than I have been in a very long time. I needed to refocus, I needed to read God's words and I needed time in prayer. I remember thinking, "Shoot, I should really start memorizing scripture for days like today when I can't just get up from my desk and go read my Bible."

Low and behold, I get home and what do I see sitting on our coffee table but a little package addressed to me. And because I'm full of all kinds of fleshly nature, I sat down to open the parcel before I opened my Bible. It turned out to be an incredible blessing though that made me smile again at God's incredible timing.

My cousin Marla had sent me this scripture memory note pad:

How cool is that?

I was so encouraged by how all these events had come together and that God had provided me with two tools to aid me in my quest to seek Him more. What awesome, perfect, God timing!

After an excellent time that evening with a cup of tea, a quite back porch and God's Word, I wrote down my first memory verse into the memory booklet Marla had sent me. I chose my favorite verse, 1 John 3:16-18 (which I technically have memorized already, but I love this verse so much and I thought it an appropriate way to start the booklet).

I am ready to make God my passion and to learn from His heart what my heart should be invested in. I am so excited to see what He might show me!