There is nothing wrong with mommy blogs. There are a number of really good mommy blogs that I enjoy reading and have gained some much-needed encouragement and wisdom from. Moms have a lot of really great (and entertaining) things to share sometimes. And after just one short month of being a stay-at-home mom, I can totally see how mommy blogs are a sometimes essential bridge to social sanity for the women reading and writing them. It's just that I never wanted this space - my little spot to reflect, share and talk about topics that I find meaningful, fun or interesting - to morph into a mommy blog where I only ever talk about my kids (not that my kids aren't meaningful, fun or interesting to me... awkward silence...).
The thing is though, my life itself has morphed into a world predominately conquered by my kids and it's hard to come up with anything interesting to write about that doesn't revolve around the twins (who, while lovable, adorable five-months-olds, are not all that interesting). On top of that: mommy-brain is a doozy and holding down a thought long enough to wrestle it into a fully-form sentence seems nearly impossible most of the time.
So here my blog sits - unable to assert itself as much at the moment because it's run by a gal trying to grasp her new identity and adjust to being a full-time, stay-at-home wife and mother. Poor blog. Do not loose hope my digital friend, you will rise again. Someday, ponderous tidbits and amusing stories will once again flow across your htlm-coded pages. Cling to that little blog. Cling to it like boogers on a baby's nose (dang it - mommy blogging).
So yeah. The adjustment to my new career as a nanny/laundress/cook/maid/mom/wife or what is now considered the p.c. term - "a home manager" - is slow going. Some days I absolutely love it. Some days I just want to pawn my wee babes off on anyone who is willing to take them for a few hours (days??) so I can go on a mental vacation and spend some quiet, quality time just me and Joe (as in, Mr. Cup O'). But every day, no matter what the joys, stresses or boredoms, I am truly grateful to be home and able to pour more energy into my husband and kids. It's a blessing. And while I'm struggling with wondering if the daily tasks of a stay-at-home mama is "enough" in light of so many needs and troubles in this world (which press so heavily on my heart), I am praying that God will show me how I can best serve Him and others without neglecting the new responsibilities He has place lovingly in my arms.
This time last year I was on my way to Uganda, Africa to love and serve some beautiful, precious people. A big chunk of my heart still pulls me towards them - to their needs and to their inspiring hope and faith in God. I don't want to forget them as I care for my own. While tending to my two small babies, I don't want to forget the mother somewhere who is struggling to feed and provide for her little ones. While loving my hard-working husband, I don't want to forget about the family whose husband/father is without a job, or worse, whose husband/father has abandoned them or been taken by disease or hunger. I do not want to get so caught up in loving my own that I neglect loving others. Caring for my family is a wonderful gift and calling, but it is causing tension as I navigate this new season. My mom/wife heart and my justice/mercy heart are trying to figure out how to live under the same roof.
At the core of all this is the fact that I don't want my sons growing up thinking the world is only about them. I want them to truly love others more than themselves and deeply care about the poor around the world. And I have to teach them this by my own actions. Tension exists here because how do I deeply love others while also having enough left in me to deeply love this little family God has blessed me with? I don't know yet. My "doing" in regards to the mercy/justice side of things might be in a resting season for a little while during this tender time of caring for my little ones and if that is the case, I have to learn to be okay with that.
Still... if I start writing less and less about orphans and the poor and more and more about boogers and diapers, somebody please hack into my account and put this blog out of its misery. Thank you.
Jen, you have articulated the tension I feel I live in. I think that it is right, in this season of life to live in that tension. Praying for you as you learn to balance it all and find meaning in the mundane. Wish we were still neighbors so we could hang out and chat more. Maybe we can find a time to get together sometime.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the Journeyer is Jenny Mullins, FYI...
ReplyDeleteTension is good, Jen. It makes us dependent on God to guide us each step of our lives! You will be able to do different things in regards to justice and mercy at different stages of your boys' lives. Just today I put Isabelle and Jack in their little red wagon and went to visit one of my neighbors inviting her to our mom's group tomorrow. We got to spend some time outdoors and I reached out at the same time!
ReplyDeleteKeep in step with the Spirit daily! I prayed on Thursday that I would be a light to my neighbors and on Friday my neighbor stopped by with her 3 kids and needed a ride to the children's hospital. And then later that day, a mom of one of our teens (who is not a Christian) called and asked if I could come by later and pray with her because she's worried about her daughter (!). Where in the world did that come from? God was honoring my request. Sometimes we don't even have to come up with a way to reach out--we can focus on loving our babies and God can bring the ways right to us! We just need to stay close to Him so we recognize those opportunities!
This blog was very well-written and expressed the tension that so many of us Christian moms experience! I love it that other moms are on this journey with me! We can encourage and challenge each other in our faith! Thanks Jen!
Beautiful encouragement Bethany! Thank you!! "We just need to stay close to Him so we recognize those opportunities!" - working on that part.
DeleteI'm so proud of you, Bethy! Love you!!
DeleteI've been thinking a lot over the past year about writing a book, "Changing the World in between Changing Diapers," but I wasn't sure how many mommies out there would even be interested in reading something like that. Seems that most moms are so overwhelmed with caring for their own kids that caring for anyone else (especially on the other side of the world) is not even something they would consider. Personally, when I wrestled through this same question I learned that I'm simply not able to stop moving forward with what the Lord has burned on my heart. The ministry has grown the most since I have had children, and you KNOW my life is CRAZY, but I just can't change who I am, and who I am hasn't changed since having children. What I can encourage you with is that this season is shorter than you think! Once they are walking and feeding themselves and playing together (the amazing blessing of twins), you will find you have more time on your hands. And when that happens.... wanna write a book with me?!
ReplyDeleteAims - I think there is a HUGE audience for a book like that. I just think not at lot of us mamas talk about our desire to serve because we feel guilty for wanting to do more than just raise our families (not that this isn't hugely important, just not the only focus we should have).
DeleteI love this post. Speaking of books, I'm glad my Diapers book went out of print, because there's so much about me that's different now. I didn't know or care a whole lot about the poor and oppressed around the world (that I can recall) when I wrote it.
ReplyDeleteAnyway. Tension is good. And try really hard not to compare yourself to someone like me whose kids are 11, 9, and 6 and old enough to not only dress and bathe themselves, but they can also earn money for a mission trip and then go on it.
On the other hand, I don't want you to become a mommy blogger either. Yes, your sweet baby boys are your number one priority right now. But I don't think God wants you to entirely abandon your other passions, even for a season. Sure, you won't be able to devote nearly as much time/energy to them, but I know there are still things you can do. (Like pray for Vitana.)
Bethany is a good person to bounce ideas off of. She's got little ones and is still passionate about reaching her neighbors and the world. God will bring opportunities right to you if you ask!
Love you!
Thank you Marla!!
Delete"My mom/wife heart and my justice/mercy heart are trying to figure out how to live under the same roof." Wow - this is me every day.
ReplyDeleteI figure, though, that although my active ministry to the world at large is on hold, I am bringing up three new christians to love the poor and to look at the world and want to help. That increases our power potential from 2 people to 5. That's good, right? And, like Bethany said, there are opportunities all around us... I know I just need to be more sensitive to what God is doing in my neighborhood/town. I'll definitely be praying for you, too, as I'm praying for myself!
"2 people to five people" - That IS good Jess and I agree. I just want to make sure that THIS generation is doing something too, not only raising up the next generation to do something. Because if that cycle continues then it will always be the responsibility of the next generation and nothing with ever change. We definitely have a responsibility to do both - help here and now, and raise the next generation to help also. Both are SO important - thus my struggle on figuring out the balance of doing both.
DeleteAgreed. :)
DeleteA worthless post--no baby pictures!! Just kidding :) Did your dad tell you that I'm now addicted to (my husband's) facebook account b/c of your twins? But of course we were initially drawn to your blog b/c of your mutual love for Africa and trips there.
ReplyDeleteWhen reading this, I thought of a friend of mine who went to Kenya with Mark and Moriah. She has a love for babies and has cared for many through the foster care system, adopting 5 of her own over the years. She felt drawn to Africa to work short term and consider long term service to that suffering people group. While there, she heard God loud and clear saying, go back to Tucson and love the babies I put in your home. A wasted trip? Certainly not! She received confirmation from the LORD that she was serving right where she was supposed to be! She also took her 12yo (biracial) daughter and exposed her to the beauty and needs of that land, and she mothered my 13yo during the journey (since I was home with my own foster baby and 2 adopted little ones). I think that's a great example of Elisabeth Eliot's encouragement to "do the next thing"....whatever that next thing happens to be.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful babies with us AND the spiritual journey that goes along with your current service, whatever that entails....
In Him,
Kim
Great post Jen! hard to believe it was a year ago we were all in Africa together!! You have come a long way since then!!! Motherhood is always a tension filled place to be. So many things to consider now. It's like the song says - a baby( or 2 or 6) changes everything. You rock!!
ReplyDeleteJust read about a new book coming out and the title made me think of your post here....it's called “Diapers, Dishes & Dominion: How Christian Housewives Can Change the World”
ReplyDeletehttp://www.visionarywomanhood.com/queen/
I really appreciate your thoughts here... I've had your blog on my google reader for a long time but rarely chime in (found you through Marla's blog), and a post you wrote several months ago - prior to having your babies - on this same topic has stuck with me since then, especially as I'm now six months pregnant with our own little one (our first, too).
ReplyDeleteI feel like I have witnessed a lot of women who just "check out" of everything except caring for the their own kids once they become parents. They don't stay involved in ministering to others... it's just that they're too busy, or the missions meetings are too late past their kids' bedtimes, or going on a day trip to Mexico (we're in San Diego) is much too dangerous to even consider, or whatever... and I know I don't want to be that type of mom. I don't think being a wonderful mom to your own children means you can't minister to others, nor does ministering to others mean you can't serve your own children and husband too - I think it can definitely be a both/and. PLUS, I definitely want my daughter to grow up with an understanding of serving others and having a heart for the world, too (like you mentioned).
In any case, this is definitely something I've been wrestling with, and I imagine it will always be a tension to ask God's guidance on... but I thank you for bringing it up!
Also, I wanted to share one resource (that's actually what inspired me to come back here, as I read your initial post a few days ago) - www.passionatehomemaking.com - have you ever seen her site? I don't know how it took me so long to find her because it's like my new favorite site. She talks about various things, but several posts are about serving others with her own children... I think this link will show all the posts in that category: http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/category/missions-ministry ... Just might provide some ideas - I know it's provided me with some food for thought! A lot of them are geared a little more toward older kids, but maybe it's the kind of thing we start doing even when they're little so we're in the habit of it as they get older. :)
Thank you so much for the encouragement and link Kelly! I will definitely check out that blog for some inspiration. This is a tension-filled transition for sure and it is so easy to get distracted by one's own little world/family.
DeleteBlessings for your soon-to-arrive little one. She is so fortunate to have a mama who has a heart for others.