Nothings and Notions from my Noodle

Simplicity

2012-01-21T10:12:00.001-07:00

Even the word itself - simplicity - rolls off the tongue and floats through the mind like some delightful, whispered secret. I spelled it out in scrabble letters on my fridge and even loved the way the word looked.

But more than that - I love what the word can mean. When I think about what simplicity means, it conjures a feeling that is like an emotional lungful of fresh air after being choked in a polluted city for months or years. I look around my small apartment, that in reality is more than enough space for the four of us, and feel choked at times by the amount of stuff and clutter around me.

Yes, I know I have two small babies and the messiness of a young family is going to be a part of my life for many years to come, but I can't help feeling that there is still just Too Much. Too much to look at, to much to clean, too much to organize, too much to pick up and too much to find a place for (don't even get me started on the Too Much of our possessions compared to the rest of the world). If the Too Much was lessened - simplified - to only the things that we really needed and loved, this place we called home would not only take me less time to clean and maintain, but could turn into a welcoming haven rather than a stuffed-to-the-brim kingdom of Stuff.

There are so many other reasons that The Stuff has me itching to purge. Two of the big ones being that I want to be able to welcome people over to our home on a moment's notice without wondering how much clutter I'll have to clear away before they'll have a place to sit. And two, our lease is up in December. I don't know if we'll move and if we move I don't know where to, but I do know that if we stay here I can not live in this clutter and if we move somewhere else I'll be darned if I pack, unpack and find a new place for anything that I don't truly need or love. December is a ways away, but I also have to be realistic - I've got infant twins and de-cluttering this whole apartment in a major way is going take some serious time. Time that needs to be spread gently over a long stretch of months so I don't stress myself (and my family) out. My goal in finding simplicity is about creating a haven of peace in our home and overcommitting in order to purge will do nothing to create peace in the interim.

In honor of my new journey towards simplicity - our apartment first and along with it our life and focus as a family - I've redesigned my blog with something clean and uncomplicated. Much like the clutter of my apartment, the layers and layers of this blog's design suddenly made me cringe to look at. And unlike the clutter of my apartment, I can revamp this blog while one of the twins sleeps on my lap.

Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I'm reading Organized Simplicity right now which is why am about to go NUTS on this apartment! I'm just itching to be home full time so I can start simplifying this place. Watch out material things - I'm about to get'cha.

My New Career Path

2012-01-18T11:12:00.000-07:00

My first day back at work after my maternity leave was like a breath of fresh air. The six weeks I had spent away had been filled with sleep deprivation, the stress of new motherhood and lots and lots of crying (from the twins and from me). For at least four of those six weeks I felt like my life and myself had been sucked from me and going back to work was a welcomed break. I felt horribly guilty for these feelings (mother guilt is awful isn't it?), but thought perhaps I was just one of those women who was a better mom when she had a break from her kiddos for a little while.

But as my boys continued to grow, when they started to smile at me and the wonder of new discoveries started to shine in their eyes, it got harder and harder to go to work each day (even though I was only in the office three days a week). Motherhood started to become something I enjoyed and meeting the needs of our household (cooking, cleaning and being a helpmate to Devin) became something I longed to do more than ever before. I also began to realize that eventually, the meals, the baby-sitting and the extra help that friends and family had so generously lavished on us after the twins' birth would eventually dwindle and somehow I would have to mange my family responsibilities and my full-time job all on my own. It would be too much and I knew it.

But "Jen the Designer" was such a huge part of my identity. It was who I was and how I introduced myself to people. (Okay I didn't actually say, "Hello, I'm Jen the Designer," - pretentious much? - but you know what I mean.) Being a graphic designer at an agency was a "cool kid's" job and I was good at it. But now I had this competing identity of "Jen the Mom" that, while I resented at times, was becoming more and more important to me. At the same time, I was afraid that "Jen the Mom" would completely swallow up any other identifying qualities that I had and I would completely loose myself.

Then there was the money issue - how could we double the size of our family and half our income? We'd always been frugal, but by choice, not by necessity. There is a big different between the two. Plus, I felt huge guilt at the thought of quitting my job and putting the full financial burden on Devin's shoulders. That is, until Devin (who watched the twins on Mondays) was just about at the end of his rope as "Mr. Mom" and I asked him, "Which would be less stress on you - finding another part-time job or staying home with the babies on Mondays so I can still work?" Without hesitation he replied, "Finding another part time job. Jen, you are a better mom than I am."

So, after a few more weeks of wrestling with my guilt and identity issues, I put in my resignation at work. Starting February 1st, I will have the blessing and honor of switching careers to become a full time mom and wife. I will also be able to assist Devin more with his photography business and pick up some freelance design work here and there. My heart is so full of joy at this decision and while I know it will mean some sacrifices, adjustments and changes, I'm confident that it will be worth it and will be something Devin and I will never regret doing.

The day I finally decided to quit my job, I came across this quote and it made my decision firm: "If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. No one said it would be easy, they only promised that it would be worth it."

Fevers and Coughing and Tissues - Oh My!

2012-01-14T08:53:00.001-07:00

It's "Weekend of the Crud" here at the Hanson house and I'm your host, Jennifer Hanson of "Mama's Can't Take Sick Days."

Isaac's got a horribly running nose and had a fever last night (scared the new mama pants off of me until I read this comforting, "don't panic" article from Dr. Sears.) All he wants is to be held and cuddled (so thankful for my baby carrier - I'm wearing him now and he's resting peacefully.) Weston's got a awful cough and can't seem to keep much down. I've got a sore throat and Devin's been fighting lung congestion for about a month. Oy.

This is a parenting first for me - this whole, "you're the mama and have a sick family to take care of, suck it up if you're sick too" thing. It feels a little like the newborn days when the boys would both be crying and I couldn't figure out how to comfort them. Poor little guys.

I remember when I was growing up and my mom would get really sick but insist that she wasn't. I thought she was nuts not to rest when she was obviously feeling miserable. I understand now - there were just too many other things and little people to take care of for her to worry about herself. Thanks for taking care of us Mom and I'm sorry we didn't/couldn't let you rest more when you were sick too.

I'm not complaining - I promise. Just pondering the sometimes still inconceivable reality that I'M now the Mama who can't take a sick day and has to find the energy somewhere to care for her little family despite feeling stinky herself.

Speaking of stinky - I've been covered in snot, spit-up and drool for the past two days. I should probably take a shower... Oops - the boys are waking up and want to be fed, cuddled, changed and have their noses wiped (okay, they don't really want that last one, they HATE having their noses cleaned. I didn't realize that hatred started at such a young age.) I'm grateful The Daddy is here today too and can offer an extra set of arms for the babies to cuddle in.

Homemade Christmas and Completing Goal #34

2012-01-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.
Goal #34: For Christmas one year, hand-make all gifts - COMPLETE

As I was looking over my list of goals and realizing that this Christmas was when I had planned to make all my gifts, I thought that surely I would loose my mind if I tired. Had I any clue (which I didn't, not even close) last Christmas that this Christmas I would be a mama to twins, I would have gone to great lengths to complete this goal in 2010. But as life would have it, I had the goal of making all my Christmas gifts in 2011... while caring for two-month-old twins.

So for starters, to keep my sanity, I had to loosely re-define the word "all." This year "all" my gifts didn't include the ones that Devin picked out (i.e. for most of the guys in our family) (which is good because it is really hard to make gifts for guys.) "All" also turned into "(most of) all." As in: "hand-make (most of) all gifts." So while many of my gift were hand-made, parts of them included purchased gifts (such as gift cards and picture frames). Lastly, I didn't make Devin's gift because 1) He's a guy and as mentioned before, that is a tough species to make gifts for and 2) I spent nine months of 2011 "making" him the gift of our twins sons, so I figured I got a pass with that one.

While I initially thought this goal would be the end of me, it turned out to be really great. I love art and making crafts and it's something I haven't done much of since being pregnant and certainly not after the twins were first born. It was very relaxing and therapeutic to have something to do (besides sleep, which I did neglect while completing this goal) that was fun and used my artistic talents. It made me feel like me again, which seemed a lofty experience when caring for twins nearly 24/7. Turns out the timing of this goal was exactly what I needed.

Here are the gifts I made this year:

Shanty 2 Chic inspired recipe/photo holders (I added the monogram for a little something extra)

Reversible Superman/Batman capes for my nephews (who are potty training right now, so along with the capes they received superhero big boy undies)

A "Celebrate" banner for my mom (inspired by my cousin Bethany)

Fabric headbands for my sisters and soon-to-be sis-in-law

A graphic map for my brother and (soon-to-be) sis-in-law of thier favorite city and hometown, Tucson. (This was the one gift I made for a guy - per his request.)

Plus, my parents got revamped frames full of pictures that Devin and I took of these cutie pies (see more here and here):

Thus, project "Homemade Christmas" was a great success and a lot of fun!

Right Now (in bullets)

2012-01-05T21:43:00.004-07:00

Someone commented to me today that I must feel like I'm being pulled in five different directions. Indeed I do. Those five directions being: a husband, a baby, another baby, a home and a full-time job. Its... a lot. My mind is so jumbled and scattered that to write any sort of eloquent update would quite possibly short-circuit me, so I thought I would just give you a quick peek at my "right now" in bullet point form.

1). A Husband

Devin has been an amazing encouragement as we adjust to this new life of ours
He has been so patient with me
He is an amazing dad
I love watching him interact with the boys
He is such a hard worker
I love this man beyond words
I want to learn to love him better

2). A Baby

Weston is such a happy, silly baby
But when he is upset, he gets UPSET
He is starting to giggle
He babbles to himself a lot
He is a morning person
I am not
But seeing his great big grin every morning is making me cherish the mornings
I love this kid so much

3). Another Baby:

Isaac is such a sweetheart
He looks just like Devin
He acts a lot like Devin too - a quite observer
But, oh my, can that boy scream when he gets upset (this is not like Devin)
He loves being held and snuggling into crevices (armpits especially)
He loves "talking" and listening to whoever is interacting with him
He is absolutely fascinated by his hands right now
Seriously, he just lays there staring at his hands and studying them as they move
I love this kid so much too

4). A Home:

Mostly messy, most of the time
We've got a lot of stuff and not a lot of room
I desperately want the time to purge and organize
Still receiving meals for some amazing friends and family
Feeling so grateful for this
But eventually I'm going to have to start cooking again
Cooking is not my gift
Would love to be a better homemaker
Doing my best with what time I have

5). A full-time job:

It's stressful
But some days it's nice to get away and just be a designer
But most of the time, I hate being away from Devin and the babies so much
I get home just a couple of hours before Devin and the babies go to bed
If I could sum it up in two words:
Too
Much

Notice a couple of key things missing from my top five list? Yeah, "God" and "Me" are almost not-to-be-found most days. I am so blessed in so many ways and I love my new life as a mama to twins, but something's got to give. The current pace is not sustainable long-term. But never you worry dear reader, Devin and I have something in the works that could very possibly be one of the best decisions we'll make during our life together...

Snail Mail Fun - Goal #51 Complete

2011-12-19T14:32:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal # 51: Send Jordan, Julia and Katie (my youngest siblings) a card for every major card-selling holiday in 2011 - COMPLETE

When I was little, my grandmas would send me cards for just about every holiday, plus birthdays and it always made me feel so special and important to be receiving my very own mail. Nowadays, with everything being so digital, there is something extra special about receiving a personal (non-bill-related) piece of mail, especially a card. So as part of my "Relational Goals" for Project 101 in 1001, I decided to send my three youngest siblings cards throughout the year (I didn't think my twenty-five-year-old brother would care all that much if he was left out - Sorry Dave!)

I think they liked it (they didn't really say much about the cards), but if they enjoyed getting them half as much as I did when I was their age, then it was well worth it. I also tried to include in each card a personal word of wisdom, encouragement or love for each of them. Hopefully those messages will imprint on their young hearts, even if the cards were a little silly (seriously - who writes those things?).

Being a big sister has always been a blessing (okay, so not always - sometimes it's rather obnoxious). Maybe a better way to say it would be that it is a great privilege to be the big sister. Good times, or obnoxious ones, my siblings and I have always been very close. As we all get older, I hope to continue a strong relationship with each of them and be someone they can look to for advice, encouragement and friendship.

Thus, Project 101 in 1001 continues, even with twins in tow. Forty-nine down, fifty-two to go! But, I have to be honest with myself and with you: I will be shocked if I complete all 101 goals by this time next year. Having twins kinda put a little hitch it my plans - though I absolutely wouldn't change a thing. The good news is that one of my huge, major, big goals is in the works right now (stay tuned for news on that in the next month-or-so). And while the completion of this particular goal will hinder the completion of a few others - it is going to be SO worth it! Can't wait to tell you more!

Honest Thoughts on Becoming a New M.O.M. (Mom of Multiples)

2011-12-02T11:28:00.001-07:00

I'm finally creeping out of the mind-numbing haze that being a new resident in Mommydom entitles one to. And since I was doubly doped-up from caring for twinfants, my initiation into being a mom was... we'll just say, rough at times... most times actually. I'm reflecting back on those first few weeks wondering how on earth I survived (not to mention the survival of my little munchkins-turned-goblins-at-night).

Here's something I was surprised (and frightened) by during the first three weeks: I didn't like being a mom. In fact, I flat-out hated it at times. Which was completely unexpected. Being a mom was something I had looked forward to for most of my life and I thought it would come naturally. I knew it would be hard, but I still expected to instantly fall madly in love with my sons. Maybe that's how new mommyhood works for some women, but I certainly wasn't one of them and I was totally taken aback by this. My lack of lovely-dovey feelings for my sons left me emotionally impaled with guilt and disappointment. Which made the constant exhaustion, feedings, diaper changes, crying and feelings of being completely in-over-my-head so much more difficult to deal with. Being a mom was harder than anyone could have prepared me for and I felt so guilty for how much I wanted my pre-baby life back.

Had Devin not been there to cheer me on and help me as much as his non-lactating self could, I don't think we would have made it. My deepest admiration for single moms - I do not know how you do it. Wow.

Thankfully, the life of a new mom-of-mutiples slowly started getting more manageable. Not "easier" per say, but bearable with more moments of joy in-between the really frustrating times. I think the thing that helped the most was changing my expectations to match my new reality. When I expected that the twins would need to eat every two hours, 24/7, it was a lot easier to handle it emotionally and physically. Also helpful - getting dressed in the morning. Sure, sweatpants are way more comfortable when you're stuck in a little apartment caring for two newborns, but never underestimate the power of a pair of jeans and a clean(ish) shirt to make you feel slightly human again. Actually, "being stuck in a tiny apartment" reminds me of something else that was hugely helpful for coming out of the new-mommy-blues. Devin started making it a priority to get me out of the apartment as often as we could. Even if it was just strolling the twins to the local park or Starbucks, or heck - even a trip to the grocery store. These quick little, in-between-feedings outings lifted my spirits considerably.

Then something else changed around five weeks that actually did make parenting easier. My sons started to smile. Not gassy smiles or milk-comma grins, but real, actual, looking-me-in-the-eye smiles. Suddenly these little goblins who had been sucking the life out of me turned into adorable little people with personalities of their own. What's more, they liked me and would grin when they saw me or when I talked to them. Melt my heart. Finally, I started falling in love with my sons. Turns out loving your kids makes parenthood more enjoyable (even easier... at times). Praise the Lord for those sweet, life-saving smiles!

P.S. if you are one of those dear friends or family members who came over to help or brought us a meal - God bless you!! I don't know how Devin and I would have slept, eaten or showered during those first four weeks without all of you. You saved all four of us!

The Power of Words (Goal #57: Complete)

2011-11-19T13:15:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #57: Write my Compassion sponsor children once a month for a year - COMPLETE

For the past year, I have participated in Compassion International's "Second Fridays" - an initiative that challenges sponsors to write their children on the second Friday of every month. I blogged before about how life-changing it is to these kids to receive letters from their sponsors and how crushed they are when they don't hear from them (read that post here).

After meeting my two sponsor girls, Rachael and Barbra, this past spring, it has been an even greater joy to correspond regularly with them. Though this goal is completed, I will absolutely continue my monthly letters to these precious girls. They are such a gift in my life and it is privilege to be a voice of encouragement and truth to them.

If you sponsor a child through Compassion or similar organization, please pick up a pen and send your child a letter. You can never fully understand how powerful your words of encouragement are to them. (Watch this awesome interview of former Compassion sponsor children to get a glimpse at the difference your words can make.)

Weston and Isaac's Birth Story (Part 2: Delivery)

2011-11-13T07:00:00.002-07:00

I decided to break the twins' birth story into two parts (read part one here) because there was such a night-and-day difference between the labor and delivery, they just didn't belong in the same post.

While my labor was calm and peaceful, with me being completely in-tune with my body and in-control of what was happening to me, the delivery was chaotic and stressful, with me being so distracted that I couldn't even tell when contractions were happening. I felt out-of-control to the point of panic at times. It was not at all what I had envisioned when I pictured the delivery of my sons, however I believe it would have been far worse had our midwife Belinda not stepped in to fight for us amidst the chaos of doctors and hospital politics. (I should mention here that the OB practice we went with offered something called "collaborative care" with twins. We were to be cared for and delivered by midwives, but a doctor would be available should an emergency arise.)

Chronologically, I can piece together very little of the twins' delivery besides the fact that Weston was born first and Isaac second. Things were so crazy in the O.R. that it's hard to remember what happened when, but I'll do my best.

When I was wheeled into the O.R., I was trying so hard to stay focused and retain the calm that I had experienced in the labor room. However, the mood in the O.R. was full of nerves from the start and it was hard not to let that affect me. From what I can remember, there were somewhere around thirteen people in the room and they seemed to all be talking at once. The lights were fully up, and even though I asked (as did my midwives) that they be dimmed, the doctor (who suddenly felt she was in charge) refused. She also refused to let us video the birth, which was a part of our birth plan that her boss had signed off on.

As I mentioned, this doctor started taking over immediately, without even introducing herself to us, without any respect towards us or our birth plan, and without any kind of emergency at hand. She poked and prodded me and made me feel like a lifeless specimen that just happened to be in the way of her and the babies. She broke my water too soon and without my permission. Oh, and did I mention that at one point she was sitting by my... ahem... while talking on her cell phone (loudly) about another patient? Um? Seriously? At that point I still wasn't sure who this woman was (again - she never introduced herself) and was just about to yell at her to get out.

The difference between the doctor's "care" and that of the midwives was jarring and caused me great anxiety. There was a panic-inducing moment for me where I could not even see our midwives as they had basically been pushed to the back of the room. I asked Devin, "Where are Belinda and Diane??" and he made eye contact with Belinda with a gesture of "What on earth is going on?" She gave him a wink and literally elbowed her way back into position to catch the first baby.

I had a difficult time pushing Weston out. Partly due to the stress I was suddenly under and partly because, well, I've never pushed a human out of my body before and not only was it difficult, I wasn't sure how hard I actually had to push. Very hard it turns out.

After a little over an hour of pushing, at 7:46 a.m. on October 17th, Weston Scot was born. He was pink, crying and perfect. Belinda put him on my chest immediately and I started nursing him. He was warm and gooey and wonderfully wide-eyed. Devin was right there by my side and we couldn't seem to grasp the fact that we were suddenly parents. I wish I could remember what we said to each other in that moment, but it is all so blurry.

Too soon, this sweet moment ended as it was time to get baby number two out. Weston was taken from us and examined just a few feet away. It was difficult at first to pull my attention away from him and the nurses surrounding him in order to focus on delivering his brother, but it quickly became apparent that getting "Baby B" out would take not only an incredible amount of focus on my part, but a major battle against a nervous doctor with a scalpel that she was itching to use.

The tension in the room between Belinda and the doctor grew as Belinda tried to fight for the natural delivery she was confident we could achieve. But amidst her confidence and ours, was the doctor's constant flow of negative, stressful commentary.

"Baby B is getting tired!" "She doesn't have an epidural?! Then we'll have to knock her out if she doesn't deliver him soon!" "Prepare for a c-section."

This of course caused me incredible stress, which in turn caused the baby to dip in and out of "distress", which caused the doctor to panic more, which caused me to panic more, etc. She said again and again, "Baby B is getting tired," and I asked her, "What do I need to do?" Her response was, "Nothing." It became clear to me then that this doctor was not interested in anything but a cesarean and wouldn't be helpful in achieving a vaginal delivery for the second baby. In a panic - I looked at Belinda, who again, gave us a confident wink and, again, elbowed her way back into the catching position.

Belinda told the doctor, "You need to give her a chance to labor him down. He's in position, you just need to give her body a little time."

To which the doctor responded with something like, "He's too high for me to use forceps."

At that point, Belinda made eye-contact with me and said, "Jen I need you to push as hard as you can." Though Belinda had to tell me when to push (as mentioned before, I was so stressed I couldn't feel the contractions), I pushed hard and brought the baby down. Belinda threw a saucy look towards the doctor as if to say, "You think you need forceps, huh?"

From that point on, the delivery consisted of Belinda fighting off the doctor while trying to get me to push as hard and as often as possible. We were in a battle against time and knew that if I didn't push this baby out soon, I would be knocked out and cut open. I honestly believe that if I had allowed an epidural to be placed (which Diane did not require of me even though her boss had recommended it "just in case"), I would have ended up with a cesarean for Baby B. As it was, I didn't have an epidural placed and therefore it wasn't as convenient for the doctor to default to cesarean because she knew she'd have to completely knock me out. This, and Belinda's determination, saved us from something that was not needed or wanted.

Belinda did everything she possibly could, including asking permission to give me a small episiotomy. I allowed it, as she and I both knew that because of the pressure from the doctor my choices were a small cut there or a giant cut across the belly. That cut was the only pain I remember from the birth - it was piercing and I know I screamed from the pain. The doctor remarked, "That's not an episiotomy - it's too small." To which Belinda retorted, "It's all she needs."

Things were incredibly tense and dramatic in that room and during this part of the birth was the only time Devin cried as we both prayed over and over again, "Lord please help us." We both felt so confident that this baby could be delivered vaginally and were so fearful that we would be given an "unnecesarean" because of a nervous doctor who didn't understand or believe in the process of natural birth. It had been clear from the moment we arrived in the O.R. that a cesarean was this doctor's assumed outcome for our delivery - she seemed to be looking for an opportunity the entire time.

For about 30 minutes or so, I pushed intensely (I knew how hard I needed to push now) while the entire room screamed at me to "PUSH!!" While it was so frustrating to have so many people yelling at me, the baby was coming down and making progress naturally. Still, the doctor was on-edge (or perhaps just angry at this point that Belinda had been right). She put me on oxygen and I could still sense her pressuring Belinda. But God bless her, Belinda stood her ground (and ours) and at 8:41a.m., Isaac Knight was born. He was bright-eyed, crying robustly and latched on like a champ. (Belinda told me later, "When he came out like that, I thought, 'Ha! That baby's not in distress!'") He was perfect and healthy and we had achieved our natural birth safely, despite the many obstacles. Pulling down Devin's surgical mask, I gave him a big, grateful kiss on the lips. I then looked a Belinda and mouthed, "Thank you!" and in response, she winked.

* * *

Admiring Weston shortly after his birth

Our new family of four

My husband, my coach, my encouragement, my hero

* * *

(L) Belinda with Isaac
(R) Jacqueline with the boys

Devin and I can not express enough our thankfulness for the thoughtful care we received from our midwives throughout the pregnancy and during the birth. Thank you ladies for believing in us and in the natural design of pregnancy and birth.

We are also grateful for the sweet, calming presence of our doula, Jacqueline.

Additional thanks to our Bradley instructors Crystal and Paul for all the great knowledge about the natural birth process.

There were so many answered prayers throughout this pregnancy and all the way through the birth - to those of you who spent so much time in prayer on our behalf - thank you, we were amazing at how God answered so specifically.

We are so grateful for the incredible support-team God provided us through each of you.

And certainly, we must express our praise to God for His incredible design, for a safe pregnancy and for allowing us to take part in experiencing the miracle of birth. Praise You above all.

Weston and Isaac's Birth Story (Part 1: Labor)

2011-11-12T07:53:00.002-07:00

After many months of preparing and learning (using mainly the Bradley Method), we were able to achieve the natural, unmediated childbirth that we had hoped for. We had a beautiful, peaceful labor and a delivery that can only be described as "dramatic" but one which God's hand of protection was completely involved in every step of the way. We also have to thank our incredible team of nurse-midwifes who took such wonderful care of us during the pregnancy and allowed us to let the twins come when they were ready (which happened to be 6 days past their estimated due date) and encouraged us to still go for a natural birth, even though Isaac was breech until around 38 weeks (when he turned on his own). Truly, I can not say enough positive things about midwife care - personal, encouraging, sensitive, relaxed and fun. I've honestly missed those ladies since we've had the twins - something I would never say about any other health care provider I've ever had.

Now, without further ado, here is part one of Weston and Isaac's birth story:

Friday night October 14th, after trying for ten straight days to induce labor naturally at home, I was pretty desperate. Desperate enough to make this video, and crazy enough to actually post my shenanigans on the Internet. Pregnancy does strange things to people.

Saturday morning around 10:00 a.m. I started having mild, but consistent Braxton Hicks contractions, about 30 minutes apart. By that afternoon, I was having stronger, but still mild, contractions about 10 minutes apart. Devin was ready to rush to the hospital, but I wanted to wait. I didn't feel they were strong enough yet. Around 9:00 p.m. we called our midwife and doula to let them know what was going on and decided to try and get some rest as we assumed we'd be heading to the hospital later that night.

Well. After timing contractions all night long, we were no better rested and no further along in labor. By 1:00 p.m. on Sunday I was very discouraged and very tired. I called the midwife on-call (Diane) to give her an update and beg her for some tips to get labor going stronger. Her recommendation was to "Stop timing contractions for heaven sakes and relax! Ignore the contractions until you can't anymore." She also may have prescribed "sex and a shot of whiskey"... which we may or may not have tried...

Afterwards... I was able to sleep for a couple of hours and woke up to much stronger contractions about five-to-ten minutes apart. This is when I would say my labor actually started in earnest. I had to move around to manage the contractions - I sat on a yoga ball, did a lot of swaying and dipped into plié squats. As the contractions increased in intensity, I found it most comfortable to lean forward against the wall or door jam, do some pliés and have Devin press against my lower back. We turned the lights down, lit some candles and listened to praise and worship music. So while the contractions were intense, I was very peaceful and relaxed laboring at home. Devin was such an amazing coach - softly speaking words of encouragement to me during contractions and making sure I drank plenty of water and ate a little something in-between contractions. He was my hero the whole night.

In labor and ready to go to the hospital

Around 6:30 p.m. we had our doula, Jacqueline, come over and I labored a little in bed with Devin rubbing my back and Jacqueline rubbing my legs/feet. Around 8:00 p.m. contractions were still very strong and about four minutes apart. I decided it was time to go to the hospital because I didn't think I could handle more than four or five of these contractions in the car (it was about a fifteen minute drive).

When we got to the hospital, I had to concentrate very hard on my labor and try to drown out anything else that was going on around me in the waiting room. I hate hospitals and the last thing I wanted was to get distracted or stressed and slow down my labor. Finally, I got checked-in and Diane was right there to meet us in triage. She checked my progress and was delighted to announce that I was already at 6cm and 90% effaced. I was so excited that I'd progressed that much on my own at home in such a relaxed atmosphere.

Laboring in the tub - so grateful that our midwives
pushed for the hospital to get one of these

We moved into the labor room and because I wasn't hooked up to an IV, epidual or any monitors, I was able to sit in a labor tub which was beyond amazing. I'm not even kidding when I say being in that warm water cut the pain in half. It also made it easier for me to move around and maintain a low squat while relaxing on the side of the tub. We had the lights low, the room quite and worship music on softly. Devin was constantly by my side offering love and encouragement and pressing my back through each contraction. Jacqueline was there to assist Devin and she quoted uplifting scripture verses often. Diane sat back and let me run things, only checking the babies' heart rates every-once-in-a-while, but otherwise staying hands-off an allowing Devin and I (with Jacqueline's assistance) to do what we needed to do. Diane kept the "hospital feel" of the labor down to a bare minimum and I was so grateful. While it was certainly difficult physically, I felt at peace and was in complete control of my labor.

I started transition around 2:00 a.m. (maybe??) and the contractions were very intense and one right on top on another. If I wasn't in the tub, I was shaking like crazy and in horrible discomfort. It was incredibly hard, but I knew transition meant it would be time to push soon and meet my babies. I was so focused on the labor that I had to come out of a comma-like haze anytime someone asked me a question or gave me something to drink.

Then, I'm not sure what happened (neither were our doula or midwife), I just seemed to stall. I was still in transition with horribly intense, constant contractions, but I just stayed in that phase for hours. I think maybe my body was just worn-out because even though contractions were only minutes apart, I was falling asleep in-between them. It was an exhausting few hours, but I knew my body was doing what it needed to do and I was thankful to have a birth team that wasn't rushing me or telling me I had "failure to progress."

Sometime between 5:00 a.m. and 6:00 a.m. I started trying to push while in the tub. Then I moved to the bed and pushed a few times on my hands and knees and then used the squat bar. It was so helpful to be able to move around like I needed to. It helped me feel calm and in-control, which helped me to be able to manage the labor better.

By 6:30 a.m. Diane announced it was time to move into delivery. Unfortunately, with twins, the hospital policies forced us to delivery in the O.R. "just in case". As they wheeled me into the O.R. I had to fight really hard to stay focused and calm - the peaceful atmosphere of the labor room was replaced by movement, bright lights and lots of people I'd never seen before. Just as we reached the O.R. our other midwife Belinda joined us. She had been in Las Vegas all weekend and had joked with me that she and I had a "date" on Monday to deliver my babies. Sure enough, she had stayed abreast of our labor via texts from Diane and had made it back in time to catch our little ones. Which ended up being such an answer to prayer because while Diane's calming, hands-off presence gave us a beautiful labor, we were going to need Belinda's spunk and determination to get us through what was waiting for us in the O.R.

Up Next: "Part Two: Delivery"

Hold your horses y'all

2011-11-11T07:23:00.000-07:00

Being pregnant with twins past forty-weeks, plus posting a rather ridiculous video of yourself on the internet tends to get you some attention. And I'm not gonna lie - the attention was kinda fun. The flip-side of the this new-found "popularity" is that you have to keep people updated. Which twin-induced sleep deprivation makes a bit difficult.

A whole bunch of you have asked me when I'm going to post the twins' birth story and I promise I'm working on it. :-) It's about halfway done, but between keeping my kids alive with my body and trying to work through some of the more emotional aspects of their birth, the writing is slow going. The 2:30am and 5:30am feedings did not go well today, so I've decided just to get up and give up trying to go back to sleep. I've gotten dressed, am munching on a delicious asiago cheese bagel, am getting ready to down some coffee and gearing up to work some more on the birth story. Lofty I know, but it's worth a try.

Here's the super-duper abridge basics:

I successfully had a natural, unmedicated birth with both boys, though Isaac's birth took some fighting off a scalpel-happy doctor. It was a long labor, but a very calm, peaceful one (the delivery was a different story all together). Both boys were born alert and healthy (Apgar scores of 8 and 8.5) and nursed immediately and very successfully. Devin was involved in the birth the whole time and was an incredible husband-coach. Also - I adore our midwives Diane and Belinda, they gave us the most wonderful birth possible and I feel so incredibly blessed to have had the option of midwife care even though I was carrying twins.

More to come in the (hopefully) near future. For now, here's a look at our sweet boys at two days old:

Weston Scot: Born Oct 17th at 7:46am, 7lbs, 3oz, 20.5 inches
Isaac Knight: Born Oct 17th at 8:41am, 7lbs, 9oz, 21 inches

39 Weeks and Counting...

2011-10-04T19:33:00.000-07:00

39 Weeks

I really didn't think it was possible that I'd still be pregnant with twins at 39 weeks. I mean, I knew it could and does happen sometimes to some people, I just didn't think it would happen to me. ;-) Plus, when everyone (including my midwives) told me over and over that I'd probably pop between 37-38 weeks, the fact that I'm 39 weeks and still have no obvious signs of labor is about enough to drive me batty with waiting (not to mention the physical pain of carrying twins so long). And since there are no medical issues present, medical induction isn't something we're considering (I don't want to make my labor any harder than it's going to be and labor-inducing drugs can cause some killer contractions and increase the likelihood of a cesarean). As far as all the "at home" labor-inducing tricks? So far: not working.

I realized today however, after reflecting on my last pregnancy post, that all those potential pregnant-with-twins complications that I've somehow been spared are exactly the reason why I'm still pregnant. So really, I can't complain too much - I'd be calling my blessings a curse. Yes, I'm still pregnant (and I'll be honest, pretty miserable) but it's because my body and my babies are staying healthy and low-risk, so why should my sons come out right now? Never mind that I've got somewhere around 35+lbs of pressure bearing down on the exit route (which I'd think would be cause enough for an early eviction date). These babies seem perfectly content to stay put for now and I need to remind myself to be grateful for that... sometimes ~~daily~~ ~~hourly~~ every-other-minute.

Hangin' in there...

Goal #17- COMPLETE Top 100 Movies

2011-09-21T11:21:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #17: Watch ten movies off of the AFI’s list of 100 Top Movies - COMPLETE

I never did end up watching Rocky. Which is fine by me, because it was Devin's choice and I'm not the least bit heartbroken over missing that particular film. My tenth-of-ten movie ended up being High Noon because our friends Max and Alex are doing this same goal and invited us over for a western-themed dinner-and-a-movie night. Devin and I are suckers for any sort of themed or costumed event, so High Noon as number ten it was! The movie was not great, but the food was delicious (chili cheese burgers and sweet potat'a fries). I also found out that my husband makes a rather handsome cowboy. :-)

I can now say that I have watched a total of thirty-six movies off of AFI's list of top 100 classic movies of all time. But I don't feel more cultured or classy or educated. I'm certainly not an improved individual for having completed this goal. Some films did provide entertainment, but that's about it.

Some of the movies I watched for this goal were truly painful to get through and many of them had me wondering, "How the heck did that get on this list??" How those baffling movies also won Oscars is beyond me. I suppose I just don't have the full picture of what was going on historically and socially in the film world to "get it." Oh well. I'm not in the least bit bother by that fact... only bothered that I lost a quite a few hours of my life "not getting it."

If I could create my own Academy Awards for the flicks that I watched, here's who'd take home what:

Best Movie: Tootsie

Best Actor: Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. (He portrayed a surprisingly endearing female character - bravo to some seriously good character acting.)

Best Actress (besides Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie): Meryl Streep in Sophie's Choice. While the movie wasn't my favorite (though is was one that I enjoyed, or at least appreciated, much more than others), Meryl Streep did an excellent job in this role and I'm not at all surprised that it won her a real Oscar once-upon-a-time.

Most Heart-Warming: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (but really, what else did I expect from the director and lead actor of It's a Wonderful Life?)

Most Thought-Provoking/Keep You Up at Night with the Shivers: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Good movie, but ::shudder:: creepy.

Best Dialogue: Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (the witty banter between the two leads reminded me of a 1960's version of Ocean's Eleven)

Most Impressive for Its Time: Ben-Hur (even by today's standards the sets and costumes of this movie were two-thumbs-up worthy)

Give Me a Napkin to Wipe the CHEESE Award: Swing Time (terrible acting, stock-plot, disappointing musically choices, but Fred and Ginger sure can dance!!)

Good Idea, Bad Execution Award: Blade Runner (a remake of this might be a good idea)

Most Abrupt Ending: High Noon (It kinda felt like the writers couldn't figure out an impressive last line for the movie so they just ended it)
Most Mind-Numbingly Boring: 2001: A Space Odyssey (I seriously wanted to scream at how slow and pointless this film was... wait... I think I actually did scream at one point.)

And that's the end of the goal! I was a little disappointed by it - but that's okay. I think from now on I'll just stick to watching movies that I've actually heard of or, based on the trailer, think I'll actually enjoy.

36-Weeks and Counting

2011-09-14T09:55:00.002-07:00

I thought I should blog at least once more under the category of "Pregnant with Twins" while I still can, because who knows how soon these boys might make their grand entrance!

We've reached the 36-week mark, which is a great milestone for a twin pregnancy. I'm still up and about (however slowly, and often painfully), I'm still working 40-hours-a-week, I'm still able to get (some) sleep (somewhat) comfortably in my own bed, and while the aches and pains are increasing, every day I'm still pregnant is a day to be grateful that Weston and Isaac are staying exactly where they need to be right now. While making it to 36-weeks with twins is great, should they be born now, they would still spend some time in the NICU. I'm praying that they make it to 38-weeks as little-to-no complications would be expected at that point.

This pregnancy had been so incredibly unusual. I don't mean because I'm carrying twins (as that is an anomaly in and of itself), but because I'm carrying twins and staying so unusually low-risk. All the ailments and complications that are common with twin pregnancy - unbearable morning sickness, bedrest, gestational diabetes, preterm labor (birth prior to 37-weeks: almost safe from that one!), uneven growth of the babies, crazy mood swings (oh, wait - that is pregnancy in general), placental abruption... the list of things that I have avoided goes on and on and on. I totally don't get it, but I feel so blessed.

Beyond God's grace (which for some reason He decide to doll out generously in this pregnancy), I think a lot of what I've been experiencing (or not experiencing) is due largely to some of the natural child birth methods I'm been applying.

For example, I've been on a very healthy, high-protein diet (the Brewer Diet) which seems to have kept the babies and myself healthy and growing strong. Not only that, I'm convinced that this diet has helped to keep any crazy mood swings at bay. (Interestingly, emotional meltdowns - in pregnant women, children and humans in general - are often due in part to low blood sugar and poor diet.) Though I have been making extra efforts to choose to be calm, positive and sane during this pregnancy, I think the balanced meals have helped.

Something else that has been irreplaceable during my pregnancy is the amazing care and encouragement that Devin, the babies and I have received from our team of midwives. The practice we were with for the first three months would talk very often about how "high-risk" I was simply for having twins and that caused a lot of undo stress on me, especially since there were no high-risk signs - the doctors just seemed to assume I'd be high-risk and didn't take me into consideration as an individual.

When we switched to midwife care, there was such a drastic change in attitude towards my twin pregnancy that I was instantly calmed and the anxiety I felt over carrying twins was lifted. While the midwives acknowledged "twins can be ornery sometimes", they were also encouraging about how healthy I was, how my body was designed to bear and birth babies and just because I was carrying twins did not mean I was "high risk" unless signs of something "high risk" actually manifested. What a relief and what an encouragement not to worry so much about all the "what ifs" and just concentrate on staying healthy, being positive and growing some babies!

36-week belly picture

And growing they are! My belly is a shocking, mis-proportioned protrusion that causes eye-bugging from passer byers wherever I go. Others' reactions have been a source of great amusement for me.

It is so strange to think that we'll be welcoming Weston and Isaac into our lives any day now. I've finally come to grips with being pregnant (just in time huh?) and feel as prepared as I can be for labor. I can even imagine what it might be like to see and hold our little guys for the first time. But when I think about bringing them home - into our apartment, our schedules, our lives forever - that is really hard to wrap my "doesn't handle change- even good change- well" mind around.

That we are in for a life-altering adventure there is no doubt. That we will be stretched, challenged and desperately dependent on God's grace, wisdom and strength to get us through this journey - I'm convinced. I'm excited for it all and not ready for any of it, but God chose to give us these unexpected blessings and I fully trust that He'll equip us to handle these gifts. Here we go!

Goal #44 - Dates with Devin (13 and 14 of 20)

2011-09-06T18:27:00.003-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #44: Go on 20 of the dates listed in the books Dates on a Dime and Coffee Dates for Couples (Please Note: I have no recollection whatsoever of what we did for the 12th date, but I know we did something because I tallied it off of The List.)

There's nothing that can shock you back into dating your spouse quite like preparing to have twins (okay - maybe preparing to have triplets would be more of a shock...). About a week ago Devin casually commented, "Do you realize that we only have three-to-four more weekends of it being just the two of us and then we are parents forever?"

FOREVER. FORRR-EEEE-VEEERRR. (Sandlot anyone?)

As those words were echoing through the space between us in the car (and then came back around to smack us in the face once more) - we realized we'd better get some more dating in before our world is shifted forever. (FOR-E-VER...)

Date 13-of-20:

From Dates on a Dime: "Using your best china, dine by candlelight at home. Remember to keep it simple: serve a meal from the grocer's freezer case."

This one ended up being kind of a dud. There were candles, there were nice dishes, there were easy (but yummy) leftovers and their were two people sitting at the table. But romantic? Not so much. A date? Hardly. Probably due to the fact that I didn't really present it as "a romantic date at home." My attempt to create a spontaneous, romantic dinner turned out to be fifteen minutes of the two of us silently eating food in a dark room. Oh well, better luck next time.

Date 14-of-20:

From Dates on a Dime: "Check out your employee benefits packages. They might include special rates on theme parks, hotels, etc."

Now we were talking! Labor Day weekend Devin stole me away (but not too far away - we needed to stay close to the hospital just in case) for a two-night stay at a lovely hotel in Scottsdale for which his FedEx employee status afforded us a discount. It was fantastic.

We were able to relax all weekend - far, far away from to do lists, obligations, and our currently discombobulated apartment. We swam, watched movies, cranked the AC to 70 degrees without worrying about the electric bill, talked about the future, slept as long and as often as we wanted to (gotta cherish that privilege while we can), went out to a nice dinner, went on a couple of coffee dates (decaf for me of course), played nerdy computer games, and just had an all-around great time spending time just the two of us. It was wonderful. (I also made daily use of the giant jacuzzi tub and boy did it help my carrying-twins aches and pains!)

The whole weekend was romantic and refreshing and wonderful and reminded me again how much I really, really like my husband. He's pretty alright. ;-)

Funny Side Story: The looks we received while out-and-about were amusing. The size of my belly and the fact that I'm still mobile is quite shocking to some people apparently. We walked into an art gallery and while the curator greeted us kindly, he also asked (with a slight look of concern in his eyes) if we were trying to get labor started. I imagine he was just praying that my water didn't break in his pristine showroom.

Another time, we were out to lunch at Paradise Bakery and the couple in the booth next to us said with an only somewhat joking tone, "Now, you can sit in this booth, just don't have the baby here!" Devin tried to ease their minds by telling them we were pregnant with twins and still had a few more weeks to go until our due date. It didn't seem to help as the man responded, "But twins come early!" I hope they were able to still enjoy their lunch with the Time Bomb sitting just inches from them. :-)

To be fair, I can't really blame people. Check out this 35-weeks-pregnant-with-twins time bomb:

BOOM BABY!

Goal #39 COMPLETE: Calm My Anxious Heart

2011-08-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal 39: Read Calm My Anxious Heart - COMPLETE

Hi. My name is Jennifer and I'm a worryaholic.

Hi Jennifer.

I have a problem - an addiction if you will. My drugs of choice? - "Whys?" "What Ifs" and "If Onlys." I put this book on The List as the first step to recovery (admitting I had a problem). The second step was actually reading the book. From there, the steps get kinda fuzzy, but I know two things: 1) I feel like something can, should and will be done about my worry problem. 2) I am very grateful that I read this book when I did (about a month before my due date).

As if my constant battle with worrying weren't chronic enough, I've now got motherhood to add to my easy excuses as to why it's "okay" to worry. We've all heard it said, "It's a mother's job to worry." And trust me, you hear it (and read it) even more when you're pregnant. (And probably even more when you have the kid.)

But if a mother claims to put her trust in God, how can worrying be her purpose as a mother? It makes no sense and the contradiction can't possibly be Biblical. (Even if a mother doesn't claim to trust in God, I think we can all agree worry is useless and gets us nowhere.)

While I don't know the Bible cover-to-cover, I can't remember ever finding or hearing about a verse that gives believers permission to worry. Instead, we are told: Trust in the Lord with all your heart (Proverbs 3:5-6), Do not worry (Matthew 6:25-34), Do not be anxious (Phil. 4:6), Be content in everything (Phil. 4:11). But a cop-out for worrying even though God tells us not to? It ain't in there folks.

Another area where worry gets a hold of me - my actions, not just my thoughts - is in the area of control. I'm a planner and a doer and "waiting on the Lord" is not in my instincts. I'd much rather say a quick prayer and then plunge ahead with my plans if I don't get a speedy response. I "take" control from God when I feel He's being too slow in giving me a clear, precise direction. Being that God is ultimately in control, it shouldn't keep surprising me that time and time again this course of action has done me zero good and brings me right back to worrying as I wonder, "Will this work?" or "Did I make the right decision?" or "What now?"

(Now, the flip-side to this is stepping out in faith. Not really sure yet how "waiting on the Lord" and "stepping out in faith" work together, but I do know that "stepping out in faith in myself" hasn't worked out so great in my life.)

My biggest take-away and put-it-into-action from this book has been learning to turn my worries into praise and prayer. Here's an example: Worry: I don't feel prepared to become a mom. Praise: Thank You Lord for choosing to bless me with these two little boys. Prayer: God, please teach me to be a good, godly mom. Show me how to live in a way that teaches my sons to love You and love others. I need Your help Lord - I know I can't do it without You.

This practice has helped me a lot and it gives my whirling, worrying mind something positive to focus on and causes me to spend more time in prayer admitting my need for God rather than trying to rely on myself (and thus adding to the my stress, worry and burdens).

Second-to-Bottom Line: Worry is no fun. It's a waste of time and energy. It's un-Biblical.

Actual Bottom Line: Not worrying is something that is learned - it takes practice and trust and I've got a big ol' "Work In Progress" sign on my heart and head right now.

"As we grow in trusting God in all things, our contentment becomes an act of worship... we worship God more by contentment than when we come to hear a sermon or spend a half-hour in prayer. These are certainly acts of worshiping God, but they are only external. The soul worship of God is to be content with what He gives, to be thankful in all things." - Calm My Anxious Heart

Ssekos: These shoes are made for changing the world...

2011-08-16T16:11:00.002-07:00

If you were reading my blog around Christmas last year, then you know that I love giving/receiving gifts and making purchases that help someone in need. Fair-trade items, items made by artisans living in poverty-stricken counties, or by ex-prostitutes coming out of the sex trade, or by widows who are being taught a trade to provide for themselves and their children. Those kinds of purchases just bless my day and I love when these items (usually clothing or accessories of some kind) act as a springboard for conversations with others about caring for the poor.

courtesy of the Sseko website

I recently heard about Sseko shoes and desperately wanted a pair of my own. A cute pair of shoes that I could style in endless ways and that helped some young ladies in Uganda - yes please! I happened to have some "just for fun" money that Devin had given me to spend on myself, just for fun (that's hard for the practical, frugal, giving side of me to do sometimes) and the Sseko purchase allowed me to spoil myself with something fun and help someone in need: ha! win/win (and a little bit sneaky).

courtesy of the Sseko website

My favorite thing about Sseko as an organization (besides that they are in Uganda) is that they hire recent high school graduates to make the shoes, not in order to learn the trade of a shoemaker, but so these young ladies can save money to go to college and become the next generation of doctors, teachers and leaders in their country. During a nine month paid internship program, Sseko automatically puts 50% of the girls' fair-wage salaries into a college fund and whatever the girls save for college out of their remaining 50%, Sseko matches at the end of the nine months. It is an awesome program that encourages these young women with so few opportunities to pursue a positive future.

When my Ssekos arrived, I immediately started trying out some of the different styling options (not an easy feat while heavily pregnant, I'll tell you that!) The possibilities seem truly endless, but I've only tried four different ties so far. Here's how I wore my Ssekos the first few weeks:

I varied this one a little because my foot wouldn't stay in them when tied like the photo.

The shoes are really well made and I think that when I can easily reach my toes again, I'll enjoy styling them a bit more. I also got an additional pair of red straps so I can really change up the look of the shoes when I feel like it. Some of the styles I tried were more comfortable or stayed on my feet better than others (I also think I got a size too big, which might be part of the problem), but over-all they seem like a good product with a great purpose! So go ahead, put a pair of Ssekos on your Birthday/Christmas/Just For Fun List!

Goal #59 COMPLETE: Encouragement

2011-08-08T10:29:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #59: Send hand-written notes of encouragement to five friends/family members. COMPLETE

Using words (written or spoken) to encourage another has got to be the second-most perfect way to use the git of language. The first way being to use words as an act of worship, prayer or praise to God. There is just nothing quite like words of encouragement and praise to bless the person receiving them, which I think is interesting since Jesus said the greatest commandments are to "love God, love others." Should it come as any surprise then that the greatest way to use words is also to "love God, love others"?

For me at least, there is something extra special about hand-written, snail-mailed words of encouragement, which is why I wanted to include this goal on my list. Through this goal, I had the joy of using the gift of words to (hopefully) encourage some special, wonderful women in my life.

Honestly, my negative/positive word ratio needs some major adjustment. It's so easy for me to use words to complain, argue and express the negative, but I know that is not what words were created for (James 3:9-10). And it really doesn't do me or the person listening to me much good. How much better to use words to encourage and to create a joyful atmosphere? This takes practice and discipline though doesn't it? It certainly doesn't come naturally (for me anyways). Hopefully this goal and what I realized about words as I completed it is a small step in the right direction.

What about you? When was the last time you used words to encourage another? Or, when was the last time your received a personal word of encouragement that really blessed your heart?

Goal #65 Complete: Birthday Giving

2011-08-03T12:51:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #65: For my birthday one year, ask for cash and donate it to House of James Orphanage - COMPLETE

Generally speaking, I enjoy gifts (especially when they are made or thought-out with me in mind by a perceptive giver). But I say "generally" because even though I like getting gifts, I often have a hard time accepting them without regret when I look at my own vast abundance in comparison the deep needs of the world around me. It seems so frivolous in light of the suffering of so many. At the same time, I have to understand that people enjoy giving gifts and sometimes that is even their love language (my husband for example), so to demand that they stop can be hurtful to a well-meaning, loving gifter.

More recently, especially since last Christmas, the gifts that bring the most joy to my heart are those which also bless someone in need. So for my birthday this year, I asked for something that I felt would bring the most thrill to my heart - donations on my behalf to House of James (an orphanage in the Ukraine that many of my friends and family in Tucson are involved with).

House of James (HOJ) was founded by a young man named Sean who had been content to spend his life getting rich, partying and "living the dream". He was young, good-looking and what the world would call successful. Somehow, his dad convinced Sean take a mission trip with him and visit some orphanages in the Ukraine. Sean was absolutely broken and transformed by what he saw. Not only did he give his life to Christ during that trip, he became overwhelmed with a desire to do something to help the vast population of Ukrainian children with no one to care for them. When Sean returned to America, he sold everything he owned, paid off all of his debts and moved to the Ukraine to open a home for orphans.

House of James now runs two, soon-to-be-three, homes for orphaned and abandoned children in the Ukraine. Each "family home" has a set of foster parents and HOJ strives to create a warm, loving, home-like environment for the forgotten children in their care.

From the HOJ website: "Our vision, as we grow, is to open up various family homes located throughout Ukraine and even the world. It is a vital part of our ministry to show orphans and the forgotten children the same love and compassion that Christ gives." Learn more about HOJ here.

(Sean, pictured center, with some of the HOJ kids)

I received a very kind, personal thank you message from Sean letting me know that my birthday donations would be going towards the registration costs for the new HOJ van. A van that will not only ease the transportation burdens of the foster parents, but also be available to transport the children to a hospital in case of an emergency.

Happy birthday to me - my heart is very blessed. :-)

Verse on the HOJ website: “What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” - James 2:14-17

What's in a Name? (part two)

2011-08-01T06:34:00.001-07:00

(read part one here)

Soooo... where was I? Oh yes, I was getting ready to tell you the names we've pick for the twins. Thanks for your patience. (Not that I gave you much of a choice.)

Not only do I really love the names we've chosen, I also like the fact that Devin suggested one twin's first name, while I suggested that twin's middle name, and I suggested the other twin's first name, while Devin suggested his middle name (did you follow that?). It was not on purpose that we so evenly shared the naming of the babies, but I'm glad it worked out like it did.

Now, I think you've waited long enough. The names of the Hanson twins will be...

(The little game we played to announce the names to our families)

Weston Scot Hanson and Isaac Knight Hanson!

(I bet you can guess which middle name caused all the drama ;-))

"Weston" was the name Devin had liked for so long and "Scot" is my dad's middle name and what I have always wanted to use as a middle name for my son. (It is also the middle name of both of my brothers, and the first names of my cousin and his son.) This was our "easy" pick for a boy's name.

Isaac's name was my suggestion for a number of reasons:

1) It means "laughter" which is absolutely what we did when we found out were having twins (the kind of disbelieving, baffled laughter that Abraham and Sarah expressed when they were told they would give birth to a son in their old age).

2) The story of Isaac in the Bible is one of God's astonishing provision, which is something we've seen so much of in our lives since finding out we were having these babies.

3) The pastor we primarily served with in Uganda is named Papa Isaac (I wrote about him here and here) and while our son isn't exactly named after him, our time in Uganda (while pregnant with the twins) was very significant to us and Isaac's name is an important reminder of all we learned while preparing for and serving in Uganda.

And then there is "Knight" - the middle name I rolled my eyes at, laughed at, refused to even consider, and made Devin vigorously scribble off the list, but then ended up loving in the end. Not only is it cool (let's face it -it's awesome), it means "noble soldier" which I think is a wonderful title to christen a son with.

So there you have it! The names and the reasons behind them.

What's in a Name?

2011-07-31T14:57:00.000-07:00

On occasion, there are things that Devin does or suggests that make me think he is crazy, but that eventually grow on me. (This is because he has a visionary, spontaneous, adventurous spirit while I have to take time to process, plan and analyze every little angle of each little detail.) The naming of the twins was no exception.

I didn't care for his favorite boy name when he first shared it with me (this was before we were pregnant). I didn't think he was crazy, I just didn't like the name. Problem was, Devin really, really liked the name and had since before we met. Fortunately, I ended up falling in love with his name, he ended up really liking my "always been a favorite" middle name and -voila!- we unofficially had a boy name should we ever have a son (which, of course, we did - times two).

Then, we discovered we were pregnant with twins boys and the task of finding a second boy name (and a middle name) that we could both agree on and that sounded good with the previously elected name became... shall we say, challenging? Emotional? Tension-filled? Take your pick- they were all there at one time or another during the early stages of the process.

The Process: For about a week, we separately poured over thousands of baby names (until I was just about really to poke my eyeballs out) and each made a list of our favorites.

The Criteria: Strong, solid names that weren't too common, but not so unique that they couldn't be taken seriously in a boardroom. (This is how we felt about the first baby name we had picked.)

The Moment of Truth: We compared lists. My list was short, Devin's list was about three times as long. Between us, there was only one name that appeared on both lists and I was baffled by some of Devin's name choices. Apparently, our definitions of "strong and solid" were completely different (he didn't like my name choices either by the way). I honestly wondered how on earth we would ever pick the second twin's name. It seemed our preferences were so at odds that I would either have a very disappointed husband when I refused to choose one of his recommend names, or I would have a son whose name I would quickly mumble upon every new introduction out of sheer embarrassment.

There was one name in particular, Devin's top choice for a middle name, that was so poorly received by me that it was scratched out beyond recognition on the sheet of paper where it lay. But the more I stared at that scribble of ink, the more I thought about the name and why Devin liked it so much, the more I started to be attracted to it. Before I knew it, I had agreed to this "crazy" middle name and liked it more than any of the other three names we had (finally) decided on. Miracle upon miracle - our boys had names that we both really loved! (By this point the process had become really fun and we couldn't help but grin when we whispered our secret names to our little buns in the oven.)

Then Devin proclaimed that he might want to wait until the boys were born to announce their names - which I thought was completely ridiculous. However, the more we talked about how much that decision meant to Devin, the more I realized the idea didn't really bother me. (Isn't it strange how often we hang on to something, not because it's necessarily what we want, but because that's just not the way we are used to having things done?) I agreed that we would announce the names whenever Devin decided the time was right and I was genuinely content to wait until the birth. (Some friends and family were a little less eager to wait that long and tried very hard (::ahem:: Megan) to wriggle it out of us.)

Recently though, Devin came to the conclusion that he was just too excited about the names and wanted to share them pre-birth after all. So at my birthday dinner this past weekend, we did just that!

Hmm... this post has gotten much longer than intended, so I'll save the name announcement for tomorrow. (Don't hate me too much...)

Goal #47 COMPLETE: 1.21 Gigawatts of Fun

2011-07-27T01:00:00.003-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #47 - Have a "Back to the Future" party with friends and watch all three movies in one day. COMPLETE

I've always been a big fan of these movies, but I've never watched them consecutively and I thought this would be an entertaining goal to complete with a few friends. (On a list of 101 goals, I've got to give myself a few that are 100% frivolous and fun.) We had a great time watching these classic (and still very funny) films while enjoying pizza, popcorn, brownies, donuts and - Great Scott! - home-brewed beer made by our friend Martin.

Obviously I didn't have any, but I hear Martin's blueberry wheat beer was quite tasty and I think it's pretty cool that I have a backyard moonshiner as a friend.

Baby Matty wanted in on the beer-fest too, or maybe he was just thrown off by the bottle shape. (No worries, he didn't get any booze - I promise.)

We all had a good laugh watching the "future" scenes (set in 2015) and comparing the film's portrayal of future technology, clothing, etc. with the realities of today (or the today of four years from now). I found this amusing article that outlines the things that have and haven't come true from the movie.

Thanks to Martin, Susanne, Ben, Jamie and Matty for joining us in all the paradoxical, time-traveling fun! It was such a nice break from our crazy lives - thanks for giving us a reason to relax for a whole day!

And thank you Michael J. Fox, Christiphor Loyd, Crispin Glover and Thomas F. Wilson for creating so many memorable, versatile characters for us to enjoy! (17 different characters or variations of characters were portrayed by just these four actors.)

(Side note: Devin and I were so grateful to spend time with Ben and Jamie and their little boy Matty. Ben and Jamie live their parenthood with such joy and are incredibly positive when it comes to advice, stories and experiences about being parents. It has been a bit discouraging (for me anyways - Devin tends to be able to let stuff roll off his back pretty well) to try and joyfully prepare for this new life stage in a world that is full of such negativity towards children/parenthood. Not to mention (except I'm gonna) feeling a bit bombarded with horror stories of the new baby stage. It is such an encouragement to Devin and I to have such an example of parental enthusiasm as we prepare to embark on our own journey as new parents.)

Jamie and Matty

Goal #17 In Progress: Top 100 Movies

2011-07-25T10:31:00.011-07:00

Goal #17 (In Progress): Watch ten movies off of the AFI’s list of 100 Top Movies

I just finished choosing my ten movies to watch off of the AFI’s Top 100 Movies list (maybe I'm subconsciously preparing for the possibility of bed rest?) and kicked it off this weekend with Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Below are the ten films I plan to add to my classic movie repertoire (Devin helped me put together this list as it's just no fun to watch movies by yourself... Rocky was his choice - just wanted to clear that up):

#1 - 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) [check!]
#2 - Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939) (love me some Jimmy Stewart) [check!]
#3 - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)   (because I've always wondered who Nurse Ratched was) [check!]
#4 - Rocky (1976)
#5 - Tootsie (1982) [check!]
#6 - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) [check!]
#7 - Swing Time (1936) (also love me some dancin', singin' Fred Astaire)   [check!]
#8 - Sophie's Choice (1982) [check!]
#9 - Ben-Hur (1959)    [check!]

#10 - Chosen by my readers. What movie off this list do you think I should see?

Edit: Based on the suggestions I've received, I'm going to go with Blade Runner as #10. This list needs a little Sci-Fi Adventure. ;-) [check!]

(the movies I've already seen are: The Godfather Parts I and II, Casablanca, Singin' in the Rain, Gone with the Wind, Schindler's List, The Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, It's a Wonderful Life, Some Like It Hot, E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial, To Kill A Mockingbird, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Sound of Music, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, West Side Story, Jaws, Saving Private Ryan, The Shawshank Redemption, Forrest Gump, Titanic, 12 Angry Men, The Sixth Sense, Toy Story, Raiders of the Lost Ark)

Uganda Stories: Beautiful Feet

2011-07-22T12:47:00.000-07:00

Yep. I think it's high time I start sharing some more stories from our trip to Uganda (back in March...). Sorry for the long delay - I'm still processing the time we spent there. Not to mention I've had something(s) on my mind and growing in my belly that have served as a major distraction.

* * *

One very special night at Canaan Children's Home (the orphanage we lived at in Jinja, Uganda) was spent on our knees before some beautiful, precious kids.

A couple on our trip heard that many of the children living at Canaan did not have shoes for school. Most of them only have sandals and flip-flops (though the majority of the time they run around barefoot). This generous couple decided then and there to order enough black, patten leather shoes for each school-age child at Canaan to have their very own pair (and dress socks to go with them). This open-hearted act inspired our team to make a special evening out of giving the shoes to the kids - a way to bless the them beyond just a material gift (which was still a huge deal to them).

So, during our last evening together, we gathered all of the school-age children in the open-air chapel. At the front we had a few chairs set up, along with basins of water and towels. As each child's name was called, they came to the front, received their new shoes and took a seat in one of the chairs. Our team members then washed their feet and helped them try on their shoes. You should have seen their beaming faces (the kids and the team members)! Pictures don't do the moment justice, but I'll share a few to try and give you just a glimpse.

Kneeling before those kids - holding and washing those dirty, scabbed, precious feet - was a very special experience for everyone involved. It was special for the children to be honored in such a way and an honor for us to be able to wash their feet and show them Christ-like love.

My only regret (one shared by our team when we realized what had happened) was that, because some of the shoes had not been delivered in time, not all the kids got shoes that evening. But that is not where the real regret lies.

Although the children with the missing shoes were assured they would not be forgotten, we did forget them in one way and it breaks my heart to remember. Not only did those kids not get presented with their shoes that night, they also did not get their feet washed. Why we didn't think to wash all of their feet - shoes or no shoes - I don't know. Perhaps we were just too caught up in our "assembly line" of name/shoes/wash that we missed the longing looks of the kids who didn't get shoes or the gift of having their feet washed. Perhaps we let our American "get it done and get it done right" mentality shadow this time of service. I'm not sure how it happened - but I wish I could go back and do it differently.

I share this not to ruin a sweet story, or to lessen our gift to these kids, but rather to show how easy it is to "miss it" - even amidst a loving act of service. No doubt, our hearts were focused on blessing the kids at Canaan, but we were also so focused on our "plan" for how to do that efficiently, that we completely missed out on blessing some of the kids who fell just barely outside of our well-laid plans.

This saddens me to remember, but also serves as a reminder to not let my plans for serving others get in the way of truly meeting the needs before me.

(We traveled with Visiting Orphans - an organization that offers multiple trips yearly and to numerous countries, all with one purpose - to love the orphan and care for the needy.)

Progress on the Double Denial

2011-07-20T01:00:00.026-07:00

Sometimes my blog entries serve as an outlet for me to get my jumbled thoughts and feelings out of my head and into some kinds of workable order. It also brings about some accountability from my readers (whether they actually express it or not). Often these things will result in something actually getting done. In the case of being in denial about the babies coming, the blogosphere stars seemed to have aligned to cause a (somewhat) steady burst of motivation.

Something else that kicked me into high gear was when my friend Alejandra read my double denial post and told me she (and her husband!) could come over and help me with The Baby To Do List. I quickly accepted her offer. One little problem - I hadn't actually made the list yet. Problem number two: while I had some specific painting and sewing projects they could help with, I didn't actually have the paint for which to paint with or the material for which to sew with. Thus, Alejandra's offer gave me the kick start I needed to get down, get busy and get out of denial! (At lease a little - I am pregnant with twins after all, which still (sometimes daily) comes as quite a shock.)

So two Saturdays ago, Devin, Jose, Alejanda and I spent many hours prepping for the babies. Our apartment was a flurry of sewing, painting and crib assembly (and Jose was awarded the privilege of cutting out 60+ fleece "butt wipes" for our cloth diapering system). We got a whole lot done and oh my goodness do I feel so much better when I look at my Baby To Do List!

Not only was it such a blessing to have two extra people helping to conquer projects, having fabulous company (such as we did with Ale and Jose) made the work day fun and the time pass much faster. Thank you Alejandra and Jose!!!

Here's a little sneak peak at some of the progress we made on the boys' room...

Our guestroom, turned office, turned nursery was already fully decorated with black and white, so we decided to embrace what was already there and simply make some small (and inexpensive) changes that would give the room more of a "little boy" feel. Black and white polka-dots and some splashes of bright color were our solutions.

Our color inspiration came from these little guys - our Uganda souvenirs for the twins:

(No, we are not doing a giraffe theme (sorry Marla) or an Africa theme or a Zoo theme (sorry again Marla) - just picking up on the colors.)

I snagged these cute chalkboard storage bins at Goodwill for $2.50 each, but they obviously needed a little spray paint lovin' (which I left up to my non-pregnant husband and friends). I absolutely love how they turned out!

(the chest was also a Goodwill purchase that Devin revamped a while back.)

Last little detail I'll show - a homemade card (created from vintage game cards) from my cousin Marla. I framed it and turned it into some quick, cute (and cheap) twin nursery art.

Speaking of Baby Baby - here I am 28 weeks pregnant. Hello third trimester!

So that's your little preview of the nursery. What's funny about our color scheme (something I didn't realize until days later) is that the colors we chose ended up being ♫ "red and yellow, black and white..." ♫ (you know the rest if you grew up anywhere near a church). To make things even better - guess what the colors of the Ugandan flag are?

Yep - black, red and yellow. Totally unintentional on both accounts, but I kinda love it. :-)

The Purpose of Rest

2011-07-18T17:00:00.000-07:00

Life has been so topsy-turvy lately and so much has been going on - big things, small things, things I want to remember and share - and yet the blog is silent. I wonder, how is it possible to have so much to express and yet be stricken fast, long and hard with such a bad case of writer's block? Maybe there is just plain too much going on in my head, but not enough "doing" anything about it and this has resulted in a multi-week hiatus from the blog. I don't really know and it hurts my brain to think about it too long.

I'm gonna try my best to write something somewhat meaningful today and the topic that I keep intending to write about is ironically (and somewhat hypocritically, but I'm learning) - REST.

We were talking about rest in a recent (oh - I guess that was actually about three weeks ago) ladies' Bible study at my church. There were a whole slew of verses that we studied on the subject, but the two that stood out to me the most were possibly the two most often repeated and known the world over:

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

(Psalms 23:1-3)

and

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

(Psalms 46:10)

These verses are common. I've probably read them, recited them and seen them printed, embroidered and quoted thousands of times. Yet, when I read them this time around, something new jumped out at me. Rest is not about me. True rest (the kind that scripture talks about) has never been about me. Shocking I know. But like every other part of the Bible, the point is always God and His glory. Even things that can benefit me (rest, truth, biblical living, salvation) are only byproducts of the true purpose behind them- bringing God glory.

Read those verses again:

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths

for his name’s sake.

(Psalms 23:1-3)

and

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

(Psalms 46:10)

Making rest a part of my life is about God. It is for His name's sake, for His glory, so that He will be exalted. When I don't follow the command to rest in Him, I miss the opportunity to point others to His glory.

Honestly, how can I tote the idea that a life with God brings "peace that passes all understanding" while at the same time run around stressed-out, maxed-out and over-committed? That sort of lifestyle does nothing to bring God glory.

The challenge is, I don't really know what a life resting in God looks like. I've spent my whole life in a world (America) that often requires a fast pace just to keep from getting trampled. But I don't want to live like an American, I want to live like a Christian and I think in this particular area, the two often collide. Again, I don't know where the change lies or really how to make it happen yet, but I'm learning. Slowly.

One area that I'm learning to be better at is taking a Sabbath - a day of rest. To work hard during the week, in order to rest on Sunday and let the command "remember the Sabbath" become part of my life. This change (in progress) has been entirely due to Devin's influence (okay, consistent prodding). I married a mellow guy and getting his fast-paced, over-achiever wife to settle down for five minutes, let alone a whole day has been challenging for him I know, but I believe he is doing the right thing in leading our family to learn take a day of rest. We are still figuring out exactly what that should look like, but it's a start in the right direction.

So that's what I've been pondering amidst the swirl of life (and maybe part of the reason for my stand-still). What about you? I imagine your life is just as busy, or more so, as mine. How do you make biblical, God-centered rest a part your life/week/day?

Double Denial

2011-06-30T12:21:00.000-07:00

A friend requested that I do a little pregnancy update over here on the blog, so here I am to give you a peak inside some of the twin-mama brain activity (or lack there of) happening right now.

Pregnant with Twins at 25 Weeks:

The other day, my sister-in-law asked Devin and I what stage we were at in regards to preparing for the twins (meaning – nursery set-up, shopping, names, etc). Without even looking at each other, Devin and I answered her question in a sort-of dazed deadpan. “Denial,” we said in tandem.

Yep major, big time, not-much-is-getting-done-because-of-it denial going on over here. Seriously – the babies could arrive in 12 weeks (hopefully no sooner) and we gotta snap out of this. Which would probably be easier if we weren’t both so exhausted (Devin from working at 3:00am, me from not sleeping well and growing two humans inside of me).

What's more, according to all my twin-mama friends, that little burst of nesting energy in the second trimester just doesn't happen with twin pregnancies. Which is a bummer because I was kinda counting on that. Instead I've got denial and an ever-increasing pile of To Do's.

Examples:

I should probably be stocking up on all the money-saving, baby item deals that my mama friends keep sending me. But when I see the deals I think, “We’ve got time, I don’t need to get that just yet.” Then by the time I’ve convince myself that we don’t in fact have a ton of time, the deal is already gone.

I should probably be reading some sort of literature (even if it’s just one book) about what to do after the twins arrive. I’ve educated myself on how I’d like to get them here, just not what to do with them once they arrive. Now, I’m the oldest of five and was thirteen by the time sibling #2 arrived, so I did my share of diaper duty, bottle feeding and rocking fussy babies. I know that I'm probably more prepared than many first-time mamas, yet I still feel something akin to panic coming on.

I should probably do something about our half-baked nursery that doesn't even have the basics ready. The crib for example - I've heard that's kinda the number one basic to have ready. However, the one-of-two cribs that is assembled is currently being used as storage space for all the baby stuff that I have no idea what to do with or where to put (which is pretty much all of it).

So all of this - and a slew of other To Do's - have landed me in this state of overwhelmed-to-the-point-of-inactivity called "denial." It doesn't help that there are some potential events such as bed rest or early labor that could cut down my "get it done" time considerably. You'd think that would motivated me - but no such luck.

There are a few things that are getting done - I'm eating healthy, I'm exercising, I'm going to my doctor's appointments and natural birthing classes. So my "pregnancy" basics are covered. Which is to say, I'm certainly not in denial that I'm pregnant, just that this pregnancy is inevitably due (har har) to produce two infants. And that, my friends, is something I just can't get my brain around enough to prepare for.

Goal #53 COMPLETE - What is True Financial Peace?

2011-06-23T01:00:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #53: Attend Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University class with Devin - COMPLETE

I am blessed to be married to a frugal man - which you've probably figured out if you've read my blog for very long. Devin and I both love a good deal, we both enjoy fun, creative, cheap dates and we're both content to live a simpler lifestyle in order to give more to others.

By American standards, we don't have a ton of money, but it has never really bothered us. Our frugality has less to do with our financial resources and more to do with our desired lifestyle, our passions, our personalities and our beliefs.

Devin and I had similar upbringings in the area of managing money and we each heard (often) the following tips (or commands - whatever) from our parents: "Don't go into debt." "Credit cards will get you in trouble." "Never take out a car loan."" Buy used." "Save up for the things you want." "Brand names don't matter." "Pack your own food for a vacation to avoid eating out a lot." (Yes, both of our families brought coolers full of food into the hotels we stayed in during family vacations.)

Devin and I grew up knowing these were smart ways to handle money and those lessons are ones I am grateful we both brought into our marriage. (Ironically, we learned recently that our parents did in fact have car loans and credit card debt during the time they were teaching us these money lessons, but were wise enough to instill a better way of doing things into the lives of their children.)

So you might wonder why a young, frugal couple with a savings account and no debt (I had school loans, but paid them off about 19 months after graduated - after I did the math on the devil that is compound interest and got my rear in gear paying off those suckers) would feel the need to take a course on handling money wisely and getting out of debt.

Mainly, because there are a lot of money-sucking situations that will be a new part of our lives in the next couple of years. Namely: two kids and a house. Thus, we wanted to learn how to wisely prepare for those circumstances before they arose. Which is where the desire to attend Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University came from.

Overall, I would venture to say that this course is fantastic. Devin and I have learned more about finances in our thirteen-week class than we have in our entire 52-combined-frugal-years of life. We were given all kinds of useful knowledge on things we had hardly a clue about (life/health insurances, investments, retirement plans, mortgages, savings accounts, etc). I am glad to have learned what we did at this early stage in our lives.

(Plus - Devin took over managing our budget and he is KILLING IT! Seriously, that man understands the details, planning and discipline of a good budget way better than I ever could and I am so grateful that he has taken over this task for me.)

However, there are definitely some points of tension between what we learned in our FPU classes and our personal beliefs about money.

Dave Ramsey's steps to reaching "Financial Peace", when boiled down to the bare minimum, are three fold (and in this order):
       1) Get out out debt and stay out of debt
       2) Build wealth
       3) Give generously

These teachings are presented with plenty of common-sense wisdom, a challenge of integrity and a number of biblical principals. Still, I have a love/hate relationship with what Dave Ramsey teaches.

I endorse 110% percent the get/stay out of debt thing. I even think it is wise to have a small amount in savings for emergencies and retirement (retirement as in, "I can't work any more," not as in, "I'm choosing not to work any more so I can sit back and enjoy life.") I'm obviously down with the "give generously" part (though I was disappointed that this lesson came after all the lessons on building wealth).

But I have a sick feeling in my stomach when I look at the needs of the world around me and hear Ramsey talk about building wealth (in seven-digit figures no less). Even if he totes the motivation (in part) as "building wealth in order to give more," my question is: Why not just give more to start with and not worry so much about the building up wealth part?

Yes, there is financial peace in not having stressful money issues (such as debt and no savings). There is also financial peace in trusting in God's provision. Yes, financial peace can come through wise planning. It can also come through the wisdom of understanding that possessions don't matter that much. Yes, financial peace can come through taking care of the needs of your family. It can also come from making sacrifices as a family in order take care of the needs of those in more difficult situations then yourselves.

Like I said - tension.

All this said, I would still recommend this class to just about anyone, but would also recommend finding a balance between preparing for your own future while still meeting some of the here-and-now needs of others. It is a balance that each individual or family should decide on after reflecting on God's purpose for their life and how to responsibly use the financial resources He has entrusted them with. We will each be held accountable and we each have to make a decision that we can live with here and in eternity.

Thoughts? Comment? Rebuttals? I'd love to hear your take on this topic.

P.S. Many thanks to our parents for teaching us so many good lessons about money - your instruction has already made our lives so much easier and given us a great foundation for the things we learn in FPU.

Goal #33 COMPLETE: Summer Preggo Pedi

2011-06-21T14:56:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #33: Get a pedicure on the first day of summer - COMPLETE

Well Happy Toes to me and Happy First Day of Summer to you!

I can probably count on one hand (or foot) the number of pedicures I've received in my lifetime. It's not that I don't like them - I most certainly do. I'm just plain, too darn cheap to spend that kind of money on my toes unless something really special is happening (like getting married... which was the occasion for my most recent pedicure... a year-and-a-half ago.)

Even though this was one of my more self-indulgent goals, I didn't feel all that bad about completing it. In fact, this little bit of non-necessity pampering could not have come at a better time. Mainly because the difficulty in reaching my toes is increasing daily and my normally neatly trimmed and painted-at-home "piggies" were ready to cry their gnarly selves "wee, wee, wee" all the way to the spa.

Also - it's morbidly hot in Phoenix right now and being quite pregnant, I feel gross, sweaty and greasy most of the time. It was nice to get something "pretty" done to my rapidly blossoming body. Even if it was just to the toes that I will not be able to see soon.

So during my lunch break, while the weather outside was a blazing 105 degrees (at which point, in my opinion, summer is far beyond beginning and already in full, sweltering swing), I went for a pedicure. It was a delightful way to take a breather from an otherwise hectic (and hot - did I mention hot?) day at work. Bring on the crazy deadlines and the crazier clients - this mama's relaxed, beautified and ready for just about anything! (Except for maybe the heat.)

Bonus, Random Fact of the Day: Here's something you may not know, or care to know (but I'll tell you anyways) - If a person's second toe is longer than his/her big toe, it is called "Morton's Toe" of which, as you can see from the image above, I have a mild case of.

We have our "Lucky" winner!

2011-06-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Danielle over at chibidani for winning a free copy of The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky. Hmmm... maybe the congratulations should actually be going to Danielle's husband...

Here's what Danielle had to say about what first attracted her to her hubby:

I actually knew of my husband in 1998 (grade 11!). I started hanging out with him and a bunch of his friends at the start of grade 12, in 1999. We just got along, and could talk about lots of things. At Halloween, we went with 2 other friends to a haunted house, and we ended up having to wait outside in the rain for around 20 minutes to get in. We cuddled up close to stay warm, and that was when we both realized that there was some mutual attraction going on. What I really loved about him then was how we liked a lot of the same things, and could just talk forever. 11.5 years later, we're married with 2 kids and loving it.

Thanks Danielle for sharing your story!

If you'd still like your own copy of this great ebook - they are on sale today only for $2.99 (though the normal price ain't bad either at $4.99). Check it out at www.husbandsgetlucky.com

Oh! One thing I failed to mention about the book is that all the proceeds are going towards getting Marla's whole family (Marla, her husband and her three little girls) over to Cambodia to love on some sweet orphan kids over Christmas break. It is going to be an awesome time of ministry and you can be a part of it by snagging a copy of The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky! Telling orphaned kids about the love of Jesus and improving your marriage all with one simple purchase? Excellent.

* Winner was drawn through random.org

The Steam-E, Sex-E, E-Book for Husbands

2011-06-16T08:59:00.003-07:00

My cousin Marla wrote a book for Christian wives a few years back that was all about how to enjoy great sex with your husband. It was published before I even met Devin and I'll be honest, when I was panning through it - out of curiosity and supportive cousiness - I was blushing. Deeply.

While Marla's books are God-honoring and spiritually challenging, the stories she tells and personal events she relates to her readers are raw, honest and candid (and funny also - which makes for a great combination.) The book, Is That All He Thinks About?, which originally brought a bit more color to my cheeks, turned out to be an excellent resource after I got hitched and I would highly recommend it.

This book, and it's intriguing title, started to get a lot of attention from the husbands of the wives who were reading it. (Can you imagine as a husband coming home and seeing that book sitting on your coffee table, or better yet - your wife's bedside table? Hello! That would get my attention as a man.) I know my non-reader hubby picked it up and read most of it before I even got the chance.

Not surprisingly, the idea of writing a husband's version of the book began to come up a lot and I am excited to announce that it is finally here (and in an easy to discretely read e-book format)! Introducing: The Husband's Guide to Getting Lucky (Six Simple Steps to Great Sex with Your Wife)

First of all - with a title and cover art like that, a husband would have to be in a walking comma to not notice this e-book should it happen to appear on his Kindle, Nook, iPad or Email (say, as a brilliant Father's Day gift for just $4.99).

Secondly - if you're a wife, you will very likely make your husband's day (year?) by initiating the purchase of this book.

Thirdly - if you're a husband, you will very likely make your wife's day (year?) by initiating the purchase of this book. So really - it's a win/win situation for everyone involved.

Speaking of winning - YOU can win a free copy of the e-book for your very own self (or the self of your spouse). Details at the bottom of this post.

I interviewed Marla about her book, and here's what she had to share:

J: As a woman, why did you feel compelled to write a book about sex for a male audience?

M: I didn't feel compelled. Not one little bit. At least not at first. See, in my experience, guys aren't big readers. I can count on three fingers (maybe two) the number of books Gabe has read since I've known him. Guys have e-mailed me every now and again since I wrote a book on sex for women and asked, "When's it our turn?" I always laughed it off. Until one week a few months ago when I got three e-mails from three guys in three days all asking the same thing. I decided to take it as a sign and give it a whirl. And it has been quite a whirl.

J: The wife’s version of this book, Is That All He Thinks About?, is pretty frank and gives a very transparent look into your own marriage and sex life: Will the husband’s e-book have the same kind of honesty?

M: Yes and no. The husbands' book will definitely be frank and transparent, but as a girl (me) talking to a guy (the reader), I don't feel right discussing certain body parts and certain private acts in great detail. There's enough to keep it interesting though. I'll say that much. I'm not one to beat around the bush. And while it's not a bare-all memoir, I do share some of my struggles in the bedroom pretty candidly.

J: How does your hubby, Gabe feel about the level of personal openness you maintain in your marriage books?

M: For whatever reason, Gabe is completely okay with me sharing about our sex life (in book form and when I speak). I think he trusts me to honor him and to share details in a way that's not sensational but that benefits and blesses other marriages. Sex isn't dirty or shameful. It's a gift from God. And so is my husband.

M: Thanks so much for the interview, Jen. I love your blog, I love your heart for others, and I love YOU. Blessings to you and your THREE boys!

Thank you Marla! I'm so excited for this book and to see how God uses it to touch the intimate lives of the couples who read it.

How to win a copy: Simply leave a comment here on the blog and tell me what first attracted you to your spouse. (Make sure I have a blog link or email address to contact you with). Winner will be chosen at random on Monday, June 20th.

How to buy a copy: Have I got you so tantalized that you just can't wait? Good news - for just $4.99, you can start reading the e-book in just minutes from now on you e-reader or computer. Just pop over to the book's website: www.husbandsgetlucky.com to order.

A Unique Approach to Prenatal Care

2011-06-09T09:28:00.003-07:00

"Don't listen to anything the nurses tell you on the birthing tour about what to expect in the hospital - it's all rubbish."

If I was not already confident that switching to midwifery care for the Twins was the right decision for our family, hearing those words come out of the mouth of our nurse-midwife served to solidify that we'd chosen the right person. A person who would be our champion as we attempted a natural, twin hospital birth, who would instill confidence in me that I was pregnant, not sick-and-needing-medical-intervention, and that unless something weird happened, my body was designed to birth babies and I would be just fine.

This conversation took place among other young, first time moms and dads at our Family Circle group prenatal care meeting - something I had never heard of prior to switching to my current provider, but would highly recommend to anyone who has the option. How this form of prenatal care works is this: all the moms and dads in our group meet on the same evening for their prenatal care (except for ultrasounds and special appointments) and the parents are hands-on involved the whole time.

As a couple, Devin and I went to each "station" and recorded my blood pressure, my weight and even tested my urine for protein and glucose levels (yeah, that part was a little weird). All the stuff that the nurses normally do as you're waiting to see the doctor - we did ourselves. The coolest part however was when we had "tummy time" - a private meeting with the midwife to raise any personal concerns and to check the babies' heartbeats. But get this - not the midwife, nor the nurse checked the heartbeats - Devin did! They just handed him the doppler and he found and recorded the heartbeats (with a small amount of supervision as the second baby was a little harder to find than the first). It was such a neat experience and I absolutely love this hands-on, laid-back, confidence-building approach to prenatal care.

After we all made it through the four stations, the couples had "group time" and we asked pregnancy-related questions, shared what's happened in our lives since the last meeting and had some prenatal and birthing education from our midwife instructor. There are about ten other couples in our group and there is a huge amount of diversity among us which I think will be a really neat ministry position to be in as we build relationships with them over the next few months.

We had such a good time during this class and in addition to the the unique hands-on approach, we were all laughing our heads off at the antics of our hilarious, straight-forward, easy-going, British midwife as she taught the class. She is truly a hoot.

This is going to be great.

P.S. This is all taking place at Valley Women for Women should you live in area and be interested in something like this for future pregnancies. Also - it is not only for "young, first-time" parents, that just happens to be what our group is made out of.

Encouraged.

2011-06-06T09:23:00.000-07:00

If you read my post on Friday and you prayed for me or left me a sweet comment on my blog, facebook or email - THANK YOU! I can not even tell you how much your words and prayers uplifted and encouraged me. I was truly overwhelmed by your response and support. Just about every message made me well up with tears and I flat out cried at a couple of them. You are all amazing - thank you.

There is still so much for me to think and pray about. Mainly, that I can discover a balance between getting so caught up in my own little world/family that I neglect the needs of others and on the other end of the extreme, getting so consumed by trying to minister to others that I neglect my own family. How this future could look is uncharted territory for me and as a planner, that makes me uncomfortable. But what an opportunity to learn to trust God more!

There are a few things that some of you mentioned in your comments that got me especially excited:

The faith journey that becoming a parent entails. (Already, I have seen my faith and trust in God be stretched because of this pregnancy - especially in regards to His provision financially and when I traveled to Uganda during my first trimester because I knew that regardless of the risks and the possibility of a miscarriage, God would be right there with me whatever happened.)

Taking time away from "active" ministry in order to strengthen my prayer life and to study scripture more - making me a better wife, mom, friend and witness to those in my life, both in the church and outside of it.

New doors being opened for relationships with other mamas in my community - both in the church and outside of it. To have the chance to learn from godly, "veteran" mamas and to hopefully encourage and offer hope to some mamas that might be struggling.

Raising these two little boys to be God-loving and others-focused. And as they grow bigger, to involve them in ministry opportunities with me. This one gets my heart pumping the most, but I know that it will also take time. However, the preparation for that season can start now!

Thank you again to all of you who offered your encouragement over the last few days - I am so blessed.

A whole lot of jumbled up nothing

2011-06-03T09:41:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to post something - anything really - of value on the blog. Some deep thought, or wonderful insight, or touching truth I'm learning. But I'm in a slump. My thoughts are all kinds of jumbled up right now and I keep feeling that while there is so much going on upstairs, it is just a whole lot of nothing that's getting me just-about nowhere.

I thought maybe blogging about some of it might help to bring something into focus.

Simply put, I feel consumed by preparation for the Twins - physically, mentally, financially, medically, time-wise, space-wise... it doesn't seem to end. I sometimes feel like its all I exist to do anymore and I'm struggling with that. Maybe I wouldn't be fighting with this so much if I had been "ready" for this whole situation. If it wasn't all so unexpected. What was expected seems lost now and I'm not sure how to handle it.

Let me back up. In November, when plans for our Uganda trip were first in the works, my hope was that the trip would really direct our steps in regards to future ministry - whether here, there or somewhere else entirely. My hope was to come back from Uganda with a clear vision of how Devin and I could best serve God and others in a tangible way.

Then six weeks before we left, we got pregnant with the Twins. Twins who I love more than I thought possible. Twins that I'm excited to meet and hold and love on. Twins that I'm grateful for, even though I wasn't expecting this gift. But with all this joyful anticipation comes the question of, "Now what?" How do I serve God the way I wanted to (radically) with two twin infants in tow?

I know, I know - being a mom is a ministry. I get that babies need to be cared for, nurtured, and as they grow, have parents who show them how to love God. I know that God created mothers to fulfill a big chunk of the child-rearing role. I understand that being a parent is a ministry, but I do not believe that being a parent is the only thing my life should be about.

Which leaves me with the "What now?" and the fear that I will become so consumed by caring for my own little family that I neglect the needs of those who are truly in need. I feel like the passion God has raised in me for the poor and the needy is being dragged away and focused solely on the babies and I'm powerless to stop it... and I'm concern that this passion will never get back to where it was.

There is a quote from Franis Chan keeps coming to my mind:

"It is true that God may have called you to be exactly where you are. But, it is absolutely vital to grasp that he didn’t call you there so you could settle in and live your life in comfort and superficial peace." (from "The Forgotten God")

I think this might be my greatest fear in regards to becoming a mother. I do not want to be so distracted by my own life that I never live for those outside my four walls.

If there are any other mamas out there with some advice or some stories on how they still lived radically for God and others amidst the chaos of raising a family (especially with infants), I would so covet your words of encouragement and wisdom. Even if you don't have advice, I'd appreciate your prayers. Thanks friends.

Twin Gender Reveal Party!

2011-05-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

I love a good themed party. And what better excuse to throw one than to announce the genders of the Twins to our family and closest, like-family friends?

I'm not even sure where I first heard about gender reveal parties, but I instantly loved the idea and may have gotten just slightly carried away with planning one for our babies. For our party, Devin and I decided we wanted to find out the genders before hand (more often the parents find out the gender at the party along with their guests) and then throw a party for our family and friends to let them in on the secret in person and all at the same time.

It all started with my polka-dot and question mark themed save-the-dates and invites:

From there, the decorations and party treats just sorta took on a life of their own...

Our guests had fun suggesting baby names for us. Some of the more "memorable" were Cassius, Smeagol, Voldemort, Sweet Pea and Sweet Pickle, and my personal favorite (courtesy of my dad): John Paul Hanson and Ringo George Hanson for twin boys.

My best friend Megan hosted a "Wives' Tales Gender Prediction" game which calculated (very scientifically as you can see below) that I had an equal amount of baby boy "symptoms" and baby girl "symptoms." One-of-Each perhaps?

We asked all the guests to "predict" the genders by wearing either blue for boys, pink for girls or yellow for one-of-each. Once again, One-of-Each took the lead.

The Big Reveal was planned by Devin and everyone loved his creative idea! Guests paired into teams of two and were given a thumb-tack and a black balloon filled with confetti (blue for boys, pink for girls, yellow for one-of-each).

After a veeeeeery looooong, suspenseful countdown, everyone popped the balloons and revealed the colored confetti inside....

And the result was: BLUE!!!

Goal #91 COMPLETE - Barry & Steffani's Wedding

2011-05-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #91: Shoot at least five weddings with Devin - COMPLETE!

It's a good thing that I completed this goal when I did, because photographing a wedding while doubly-pregnant is way more tiring that I would have guessed - and I'm only 19 weeks along! At one point, Devin even put me in a "pregnancy time out" because he felt I was over-doing it. I had to sit at the DJ table and drink at least half a bottle of water before I was allowed to get back up and take more pictures. (Yes, my husband is a little bit protective of his preggo wife, but only because he knows me well and knows that I tend to push myself way too far. He's done a great job keeping a loving eye on me since I've been pregnant.)

The finale of this goal was the incredibly fun wedding of our friends Barry and Steffani. Barry was Devin's best man and the two of them have been close since middle school. Steffani is a sweatheart with an ever-ready smile who also happens to be a huge Disney fanatic - which makes me happy. Their wedding was our favorite kind to shoot - well planned, but super relaxed, a little bit silly, with lots of wonderful personal touches and laughter abounding.

Barry and Steff's ceremony was by far the most fun one I've ever been too. Made so primarily by a love-song medley that the Bride and Groom arranged. It was full of sweet, romantic and very hilarious snatches of famous love songs from just about every genre imaginable.

Towards the end of the song, the Maid of Honor took the mic from Steffani and joined in with "Kiss the Girl" from Disney's The Little Mermaid. The arrangement ended with the whole bridal party singing the final chords. What else could the pastor do after such a number but to pronounce them man and wife and tell Barry to kiss his girl?

Here are a few more of our favorite shots (see more on Devin's blog.)

Congratulations Barry and Steff!! We are so thrilled that you are finally hitched!

This wedding was a blast and the perfect way to finish off this goal. I'm so looking forward to shooting more weddings with Devin in the future... but probably not until I'm done being two-for-one pregnant.

Goal #96 Complete: Last Call for Airplane Rides

2011-05-18T19:15:00.003-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #96: Take a trip to South Carolina to visit Stephanie, Daniel and Mia - COMPLETE (more or less)

Okay, so this is one of those goals that had to be "firmly set in Jell-o" because, well - airplane tickets are expensive, vacation time is scarce and I won't be allowed to board a plane in about two more months. So technically, there was no Daniel and there was no South Carolina, but the goal ended up being much more than I envisioned originally.

(Stephi and I in each other's weddings)

Stephanie is my cousin on my mom's side and we have been extremely close ever since we were on the brink of puberty (we didn't care too much for each other prior to that.) For most of my life, she was the closest thing I had to a sister and the fact that I had not met her precious baby girl Mia was killing me, so on The List this goal went!

The original plan was to fly to South Carolina to see Stephanie and her (awesome) husband Daniel, meet Little Miss Mia, as well as see Stephanie's new(ish) house. However, because airfare to South Carolina continued to be outrageous (I've been watching the prices for over a year) and because somebody got pregnant with twins unexpectedly and wouldn't be able to attend the big Yoder reunion in July (because of the aforementioned "rules" about heavily pregnant women flying) Stephi and I decided to meet up for a visit in Ohio (where we are both originally from). This way, I could meet Mia, spend some time with Stephi and see some of the relatives I would miss out on this summer (most of whom I hadn't seen in two years).

We had a blast! I will give you the short version because there was just too much fun had to blog about it all:

• I got to see my cousin Marla (Stephanie's sister) who I've up-until-recently had a bit of a trying relationship with. I was so blessed to be able to spend time with her now that we like each other so much. God is so good to restore relationships!

• I was able to spend lots of time with Stephanie's immediate family (some of my favorite people in the whole world) - my Aunt Chris and Uncle Ron, my cousins Marla, Bethany and Josh, plus their spouses and kids. We had a hilariously, fun and loud time as only Yoders can. This included, but was not limited too - a picnic, a tornado warning, a dance party, tons of good food and one rather loud lunch at Bob Evans (Oh. Yum!)

• Stephanie and Bethany threw me a surprise baby shower, which I was very surprised (and blessed) by. My Aunt Susie and my cousin Camy (who is due three days after me with her third) were able to to join us too, which was great.

• I had a short visit with some of my closest, life-long friends and we had such a perfect time together

• I spent some precious moments with my sweet Grandma Yoder and asked for her advice on parenting (she has seven kids). She told me, "Accept them for who they are and love them to pieces!" The last time I saw Grandma, Devin and I were soon-to-be married so I asked her for marriage advice (she had been married to my Grandpa for 60+ years when he passed away.) She replied with a twinkle in her eye, "Don't wait you energy fighting, save it for more important things." Again I'll mention - they had seven kids... just sayin'.

• Stephanie had the privilege of feeling the babies kick for the first time! I felt a little bit close to awful that Devin wasn't the first one to feel them kick (he took the news very well). But being that Steph and I live so far apart and miss out on so many of each other's big life events, it was a very special moment for us to share. (I was one of the first people to feel Mia kick when Stephi was pregnant with her at my wedding.)

While this goal was not executed in the way I had originally planned, it ended up being such a huge blessing to me and I'm so glad it worked out how it did. I feel incredibly blessed to be loved by so many wonderful people, who while far away, can still be such a special part of my life.

Praise Report: Hubby's Bringin' Home the Bacon!

2011-05-16T15:37:00.003-07:00

After nine long, discouraging (but at the same time faith-producing) months of unemployment (with the exception of working 10-15 hours at Sozo Coffeehouse for the past month), Devin landed a second part-time job working with FedEx! He starts tomorrow at 3:30AM.

Minus the 3:30AM part, and the not-so-great vacation/sick time off (four days total for the whole year) this job is a perfect (for now) blessing from Heaven. Because of the early hours (3:30am-8:00am), we will still be able to survive as a one-car-family. Devin will be able to work part-time at FedEx, keep his part-time job at Sozo (which he loves) and still have the flexibility to pursue his passion of running his own photography business. The FedEx job has decent starting pay and Praise the Sweet Lord Jesus - has health benefits!! The cost of which (for our whole soon-to-be family of four) is about 1/3 the cost of my job's current health care plan (which covers me only). This lifts an incredible burden from my shoulders as, until this FedEx job arrived, I would have needed to continue working full-time after the babies came in order to keep my benefits and provide the Twins with health care as well. I have no definite (or even half-baked) plans in regards to my job as of yet, but it is nice to know that we could survive without my benefits and without a portion of my income if I decided to cut back my hours.

We are so grateful for the way that God provided for our every need during this time of Devin's unemployment and for His timing in bringing this new job before the Twin's arrival (Devin should qualify for benefits about a month before the babies come). The past nine months have been a journey of faith and frugality that, while not the way we would have planned it, has brought with it lessons that we will continue to apply to our lives and that of our little growing family.

As for me specifically, I am so thankful to have such a hard-working husband who is willing to get up so early and lift heavy boxes at a not-so-glamorous job in order to provide for his (rapidly growing) family. I got me a good man.

Thank you to all of you who lifted up many a prayer for us on this account. We appreciate this interception so very much. Continue to say a prayer for us now-and-then as we adjust to this new schedule and the creative carpooling that will make it possible.

Goal #72: Designing for a Cause

2011-05-03T11:51:00.001-07:00

Goal #72: Find a ministry that needs graphic design and donate 20 hours of service. COMPLETE

(2002 - The Original Drama Team,
aka "The Great Eight" with our director Aimee)

(2005 - Abstinence takes on Hollywood
at the Abstinence Clearinghouse)

(2006 - BreakDown American with BreakDown Uganda)

When I was in college, I worked with an incredible group called BreakDown: a peer-to-peer youth outreach ministry that presents the message of abstinence through drama, hip-hop dance and motivational speaking. Their mission statement is, "Breaking down society's lies about sex, love and relationships." It is a seriously cool organization and my life was hugely impacted through my involvement.

During my time with BreakDown, I was privileged to be on the original drama team (2002), direct the first expansion team in Phoenix (2004), attend the Abstinence Clearinghouse in Hollywood where BreakDown was launched nationally (2005), and travel to Uganda, Africa (my first trip) to help establish the first international team (2006).

(I was recently interviewed for a BreakDown promotional video and spoke about the impact that being a part of BreakDown had on my life. You can see my portion of the video here.)

Needless to say, through my involvement has been small in the past couple of years, I am still very passionate about this ministry. When BreakDown's founder and director Aimee Dobbins (a close friend and mentor of mine) asked if I would be willing to complete Goal #72 by designing a logo for the newly launched BreakDown International - I was thrilled to comply.

The new tagline for the international branch of BreakDown is "Catch the Fire, Carry the Flame" - a motivational reminder to teams worldwide to boldly carry the message of true sexual freedom (sex without regrets) to their peers. With this in mind, Aimee wanted to see a torch worked into the logo and stationary materials.

After many moons (okay, twenty-hours worth) of designs, re-designs, tweaks and changes, I was able to develop a logo that stayed true to the original BreakDown brand, while bringing into the design the new mission of the international branch. I also provided BreakDown International with an "emblem" version of their logo to be used on stickers, hats, embroideries, etc. Lastly, I created a new letterhead for them. Here are the results:

www.offbeatgraphics.com

Goal #25 Complete - Oh My Bleedin' Gums!

2011-04-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

Goal #25: Before my annual dentist appointment, floss every night for 30 days. COMPLETE

Mothers of the blogosphere, cover your children's eyes for am I about the reveal a truth you may not want them to be privy to: I've never in my life had a cavity and I rarely (seriously - hardly ever, unless I just ate popcorn) floss my teeth.

Even with my cavity-free record, I'm always reprimanded for not flossing after the dentist's minions make my gums bleed. (Honestly, even if I did floss regularly, I would never do so with the level of vigor/near violence that oral hygienists exhibit - no wonder my gums turn into a gushing red fountain!)

I'm not a fan of dentists. Beyond the endless waiting, the sterile smells and the four-minute, how-much-did-I-just-pay-for-that-cursory-glance by the actual doctor (things that are common for all medical practices) there are three main things that cause me to dislike dentist visits specifically:

1) The taste of rubber gloves in my mouth. Seriously - couldn't someone develop favored gloves for dentist? Though I suppose the obvious danger there is that some children (or adults, let's be honest) may not posses the self-control needed to abstain from licking, sucking, gnawing on or flat out biting the strawberry encased fingers of the dentist.

2) Awkward conversations. Chit-chat during medical exams are uncomfortable enough, but when a dentist has his hand in your mouth and asks you how your weekend was - answering that question is problematic to say the least. Nothing like being a drooling, slurring ignoramus while talking to a person with an impressive string of initials after their name. I'm convinced they do this simply for their own personal amusement.

3) Bleeding. Do they really need to use such force when flossing my teeth? It almost feels a little vindictive at times, though I can't image what pent-up resentment the oral hygienist has towards my gums. Especially when one considers the pile of cash they are being paid to perform the simple (though, I'll admit - gross) task of flossing another person's teeth.

So back to my goal: Tired of being reprimanded and convinced that it was the un-called-for exertion being used by the floss-wielding hygienist that made my gums bleed, not the fact that I never floss, I undertook the goal of flossing regularly before my annual dentist appointment to see if it would change anything. For about 30-out-of-35 days before my appointment, I dutifully flossed my teeth. This morning, I trudged into the dentist's office for my annual cleaning. ("Trudged" might normally be an exaggeration for such circumstances, but my appointment was at the bright and cheery hour of 7:00am, so trudge I did indeed.)

The results? I still bled, but not from the flossing. (How had I forgotten about those horribly painful metal hooks that they scrap your teeth with?? My mouth is still throbbing.) My hygienist and dentist were both friendly, but not my-hands-are-in-your-mouth chatty (+1 point). The dentist spent 30 seconds looking at my teeth, plus two minutes chatting with me for a grand total of a two-and-one-half-minute visit (-4 points). My mouth still tastes like rubber (-2 points). Finally: for the first time ever, I was not reprimanded for not flossing! Woo-hoo! (+10 points for me)

Conclusion: While I'm still not a fan of shoving a piece of string between my pearly whites, it seems to have made some small difference. In fact, I was morbidly fascinated by the amount of gunk I excavated from my teeth each night. I think the knowledge that such a plethora of food still remains in my mouth after brushing might be enough to keep me flossing... even if only semi-regularly.

When Darkness Seems to Cover the Light

2011-04-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've shared before about my battle with depression and how God walked me through that valley. It was a journey I hope never to repeat, yet at the same time I know that should I face those struggles again, God will again walk me through it.

During those deepest, darkest hours of depression there seemed to be no light at the end of the tunnel. The darkness had consumed any perceivable light in my life. I had no hope and felt I would be in this pit forever. I felt betrayed by friends who didn't understand or support me during my struggle; who turned their back at the sight of my pain. I felt forsaken by a God who, despite my pleading to be free from the grasp of this darkness, seemed to have left me alone with my fearful, despairing thoughts.

Yet, in the end, the Light did shine brighter than the darkness. God used and is still using those dark hours to show His glory in my life.

Today is Good Friday and this morning I was reading in my Bible the story of Jesus' betrayal; His pleading with God in the garden; His closest friend deserting Him; Peter's denial; God forsaking Him in His darkest hour... and I realized how familiar it all seemed. Those feelings and situations were something I could relate to (though not nearly to the same level of course). I have experienced my Good Friday.

Then I thought about the irony of the name "Good Friday." How can a day which was so dark and full of such deep pain be called "Good"? Because Friday was not it end of the story - it could not be called Good if it was. My battle with depression was not the end of my story, and thus is was Good. Today is remembered as Good because God brought redemption out of the darkest day in history by raising Christ from the dead and providing forgiveness for our sins. And in my life, God gave me healing from my depression and turned something terribly painful into something Good.

It is a Good Friday and even as I reflect today on my own darkest moments, I can say with confidence that God has brought His Good from those awful days.

There is Hope. Even when it seems that darkness is all-consuming, God is faithful to redeem the darkness for His glory. Trust Him to make the darkness Good.

Goal #32 COMPLETE: Get a professional massage

2011-04-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

What is better than checking one more goal off my list? How about completing a goal that includes a professional massage? And what could be better than that? How about a free professional massage? Yep. FREE.

During my first prenatal visit, I was given a coupon for a free 30-minute massage from Elements Massage. I figured the perfect time to use it would be shortly after my 40-hour return trip to Uganda. Mmmmmm.... Good choice. My back/shoulders were a mess-and-a-half and the massage was heavenly.

But it get’s better – not only did I have the sweetest massage therapist in the world (who happened to be named Jennifer), she accidentally gave me a 1-hour massage and then told me not to worry about it – to considering it my first shower gift!! Seriously – she was so nice (even way before she gave me my freebee.)

::Sigh:: If I didn’t have such a strict, needs/others/babies-on-the-way-focused budget, they would have just made a loyal customer out of me. Oh well. If you live in Chandler and have some extra money lying around (or just want to treat yourself to a wonderful just-this-once treat) I highly recommend Jennifer McClintosh at Elements Massage at Casa Paloma.

(I'm sorry, but it has to be said - This seems so trivial in light of some of the things I've been sharing lately about Uganda... but nevertheless, I'm still completing goals and I committed to blog about eat one, so here we are. Sorry if this is less than interesting.)

Uganda Stories: Soon

2011-04-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

There was a moment, towards the very end of our trip, that brought all the swirly thoughts in my head and all the conflicting emotions in my heart to a complete stop. During this moment, it was as if nothing else mattered except the truth God was trying to show me.

We were visiting Royal Hope Academy and had received the most jubilant welcome of anywhere we had yet been. When we got off our bus, there were hundreds of children lining the long pathway to the school's chapel. Hundreds of singing, clapping, smiling children shouting a Ugandan-style welcome song for us. Drums pounded in the distance and got louder as we approached the chapel. Entering the wood and steel-plated building, we were greeted with the site of balloons and colorful cloth wrapping the worn wooden beams which held the structure up. It was a celebration and we were the guests of honor. My cheeks literally hurt from grinning so broadly at this incredible welcome.

But this was not the moment.

The moment came later, after a number of wonderful songs and dances from the various age groups and a warm welcome from founder "Auntie Becky."

The children's choir began leading the room in worship. The worshipful hearts and postures of these children blew me away. And the it came. The moment. The children began singing a older gospel hymn that I have heard and sung myself a number of times, called Soon and Very Soon:

Soon and very soon we are going to see the King

Halelujha, halelujha, we're going to see the king

No more cryin there, we are going to see the King

No more dyin there, we are going to see the King

No more suff'r'in there, we are going to see the King

Halelujha, halelujha, we're going to see the King

It hit me then and the world stood still: crying, dying, suffering... these things are daily realities for these kids. This song means something to them. It isn't just a nice song with touching lyrics about Heaven that might get you to close your eyes as you sing it, especially if you've had a rough week. This song meant so much more to these kids because they live in a world where the destiny of "seeing the King" is something they cling to - something that invokes hope and joy and endurance in their lives. Something that I do not understand the way they do.

I stopped singing then. It didn't seem right to sing along with these children as they expressed their deep-felt joy and hope for Heaven amidst their deep experiences with suffering, dying and crying. It was a moment that was theirs alone, because they sang this song with an understanding that I will likely never have. It was something sacred to witness and something difficult to realize. It was something I will never forget.

This Was NOT Part of the Plan...

2011-04-12T10:15:00.002-07:00

... But I'm oh-so-glad God had a different one.

In case you didn't notice, "Have a baby" was not on my list of 101 goals to complete in 1001 days. In fact, my plan was to complete those 101 goals and then start a family. Kinda of last "hurrah" before the all-consuming role of motherhood took over my life. Don't get me wrong - I've always wanted to be a mom. I've looked forward to that role for a long time. There were just a few things I wanted to do before that blessed day arrived. (Not all in a selfish way either. For example: I had goals on the list that were geared towards getting to a position where I could work from home so that I could start having babies.)

Well. As you must know by now, I am unexpectedly expecting twins. Which I am completely thrilled about. However, I can't help but laugh when I look back at all of the "plans" I had in regards to starting a family that have been completely and ironically thwarted by reality. Proverbs 16:9 keeps coming to my mind, “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." That and the expression, "Pride comes before the fall."

Here are just a few of the plans that I was determined (if not flat our prideful) about, and the ironic results:

1) We were using the Fertility Awareness Method of birth control. I was meticulous with my charting and knew exactly when I could and could not get pregnant during my cycle. I was confident in this method (I still am) and had been successful with it for ten cycles, yet one misread temperature, two released eggs and one comment of, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we’re good,” led to getting pregnant on the plan I thought I was capable of controlling.

2) When people would ask when Devin and I would be starting a family, I would firmly respond, “The soonest we’d even consider, possibly trying would be the summer of 2011”... I got pregnant January 2011: five month earlier than my declaration allowed for.

3) I wanted to time my pregnancy to make sure that I was not going to be gigantic during the hottest part of the Arizona summer... I will be in my third trimester during the hottest part of the Arizona summer (July-September). We're talking 120 degrees, people.

4) Devin and I said over and over again, “As long as we don’t get pregnant before we go to Africa, we’ll be fine.” ... I was ten and eleven weeks of pregnant when in Africa.

5) I said, “I don’t want to get pregnant until Devin has as steady job.”... Devin is still without a job (though working very hard to find something.)*

6) When we found out we were pregnant, we said, “Okay, we can handle this. We’ll make it work. Let’s just hope we don’t have twins. Har. Har.”... We are pregnant with twins.

We also figure, based on the time of conception and the Hanson’s reputation for producing strictly males, the twins will likely be boys. Time will tell if we’re wrong on that account as well.

It's crazy how caught up I can get in "my" plans and yet the Lord says, "I know the plans I have for you," (Jeremiah 29:11). Every day that these twins grow inside my belly is another day I'm thankful God didn't let my plans get in the way of His.

Anyone else out there made plans that had ironically opposite results?

*Since writing this post, Devin snagged a part-time job at our favorite coffee house Sozo Coffee! (We're still hoping the number of hours will increase soon.) The coolest thing? Devin's unemployment benefits ran out this week and what he'll be making at SoZo is almost the same amount as his unemployment check. God provides!!!

Uganda Stories: True Joy

2011-04-11T08:20:00.001-07:00

Something that has always struck me about the believers* in Uganda is their genuine joy. Yes, they are poor. Yes, their lives hold incredible pain. Yes, their day-to-day struggle to survive is harder than anything I could imagine. But when you see them, it is their joy that stands out above all else.

This joy is what I remember most about my first visit there in 2006 and something that impacted me again this time around. These believers experience the joy of the Lord in a way I have never seen anywhere else. They are poor and hungry, desperate and needy, but they turn that desperation toward the Lord and their faith is radiant because of their need for Him. Some would see this joy and say, "Wow - they are so joyful despite their circumstances." But I fully believe they are joyful because of their circumstances. They have a dependence on God that produces great faith, great love and great joy - because He is all they have.

Since and during this most recent trip to Uganda, I've been wondering if this kind of relationship with God is even possible in American. It has to be – somehow. We can’t all live in Africa, yet we are all called to have that same relationship with God… but it is so much harder to find that dependence when we have so much else to depend on. Compound that even more when we live within a culture that fights and prays to avoid discomfort and trials with everything in us.

I heard a song recently by Laura Story that reminded me so much of the faith of the Ugandan people and challenged me deeply to accept the very real possibility that the trials of this life could be God's mercies in disguise and perhaps I shouldn't despise them so much when they show up in my life. (Listen to the song Blessings here.)

(Me, Papa and Devin)

The best example I saw in Uganda of this kind of joyful dependence was Papa Issac - the founder of Cannan Children's Home. This dear, sweet, lovable, jolly man cares for 107 orphans. It is his burden to feed them, clothe them, school them, mentor them and provide them with "aunties" (caregivers) that will show them love and spiritual training. Papa Issac is fifty-six-years-old and considered an old man by Ugandan longevity standards. He has health issues that are only getting worse as he pushes forward with God's work each day. In candid moments, the weight of his task is heavy on his shoulders. Despite this (because of this) he is one of the most joyful people I have ever had to privilege to know. It is obvious from Where is hope, joy and strength comes from - from the only One would could provide such joy amidst such trials.

I look at this kind of joy and wish for it. Yet selfishly, when I look at the circumstances behind the joy, I am grateful I don't have them. I want the joy without the trials, yet so often, God uses trails to produce His blessings. Something to remember the next time I face a difficult circumstance I'd rather be rid of - am I willing to forgo some of God's greatest blessings in order to stubbornly cling to my own temporary comforts?

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

-Blessings by Laura Story

* I should clarify by saying that as a whole, the people of Uganda are an incredibly friendly, joyful bunch of folks. But there is much suffering in their lives and I have noticed a deeper and more consistent type of joy in those who place their hope in Christ amidst those daily trials.

Goal #93 COMPLETE: Visiting Our Compassion Family

2011-04-06T09:18:00.001-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #93 - Visit Compassion sponsor girls in Uganda - COMPLETE!

When I hesitantly put this goal on the list, I could only half-imagine that it could ever possibly happen and yet, by God's provision and timing, I was able to accomplish this life-long dream (so much more than a goal to me) within the first year of Project 101 in 1001. (And just in the nick-of-time too, now that we have twins on the way!)

My first exposure to Compassion International was at a young age. My parents began sponsoring a little boy from Haiti named Ethny when I was about five or six years old. Enthy was our family's sponsor child until he graduated the program at around twenty-years-old. As he and I were close in age, we "grew-up" together via letters and photos. When I was very young, I would have reoccurring dreams about meeting Ethny in Haiti and playing with him there. This never happened sadly, but that experience lit a passion in my heart for the ministry of Compassion.

When I became a sponsor myself in 2006, I remembered those dreams about visiting Ethny and desperately hoped that someday I would get to visit my own sponsor children in Uganda. On March 22, 2011 that life-long dream became a reality!

Allow me to proudly introduce you to my beautiful girls:

This is Rachael (who I have mistakenly been calling "Nazziwa" for the past four years... apparently Nazziwa is her last name. That was a little embarrassing to straighten out during our introduction. Oops.) When we first saw each other, we ran into the each other's arms for a long embrace full of lots of laughter. Neither of us could believe this meeting could really be happening. After four years of sharing our lives through letters, it was wonderfully surreal to be talking face-to-face.

This lovely girl is twenty-years-old and hopes study for her teaching certificate when she graduates high school next year. Teaching young children about Jesus in Sunday school is her main passion and she loves to sing. In one of her first letters to me she wrote, "I hope I get to meet you someday, I would like to sing for you." I held her to that promise during our visit and discovered my girl has a lovely voice! She sang a song from Hillsong United and it was simply beautiful.

This smiley little thing is eight-year-old Barbra, who wants to be a nurse when she grows up so she can care for the babies in the hospitals and orphanages. Barbra was very shy at first meeting, and being from a rural part of northern Uganda, doesn't speak much English. We had to communicate through a translator (who insisted Barbra was usually a chatterbox) which made breaking down her shy barriers a little more difficult, but eventually she warmed up to both Devin and I.

Another reason she may have been shy is that she has had little, to no exposure to "Muzugos" or "white people." The translator told me that on the seven-hour bus ride to Kampala, Barbra saw a white lady out the window and exclaimed, "I get to meet one of those today! That's what my sponsor looks like!" Too cute. We also got to meet Babra's mother and baby brother Ambrose (right), which was an honor we hadn't originally planned on.

Just for fun, Devin and I performed a swing dance for the girls, family and Compassion workers present. We told them we wanted to show them some American dancing since we had been blessed to see so many African dances while in Uganda. Partner dances are rare in Uganda so all the spinning and twirling delighted our little audience. Chris, the Compassion center director told us, "I need to learn how to move like that!" and then tried to mimic us with a move that can only be described as something resembling dancing spaghetti.

Another fun part of the visit was when Devin and I announced to the girls that we were expecting twins (something that is considered a huge honor in Uganda.) Rachael especially squealed with delight and I teased her that it was because of her prayers (she insisted on praying that God would give us children even though I explained to her in my letters that we were not planning on starting a family for a while yet.)

It was an incredible, surreal, unbelievable experience meeting these girls and I wish our short visit could have lasted longer (we were literally leaving for the airport three hours after the visit began). However short, it is something I will never forget. These girls are amazing and I am so blessed and honored to be their sponsor. I am so excited to write them this week now that we've met and hugged and talked face-to-face.

No other goal on my list could possibly compare to the last two I've blogged about. Completing the remaining goals seems almost trivial now. Hang with me if I seem less-than-enthused for a while about the remaining 609 days of Project 101 in 1001. I'll get there - probably.

Goal #63: COMPLETE - Serving with My Man

2011-04-04T20:32:00.004-07:00

More progress on my Project 101 in 1001 list. Read about my journey here.

Goal #63: Go on a mission trip with Devin - COMPLETE.

(Devin and me, in Uganda, Africa in front of the Amazima chapel)

This goal was a big one - almost the biggest on the list (trumped only by Goal #93 - Visit Compassion sponsor girls in Uganda). I knew the goal was a huge undertaking. But I also knew that it was something I really, really wanted to do with my husband before we started a family. Little did I know that I would actually be pregnant with twins while accomplishing this goal. Quite the epic babymoon if I do say so myself.

Going on this trip at all started with a lot of faith-stretching. We knew we didn't want to "solicit" our friends and family for support, but we also knew we couldn't cover the costs without some help and some hard, extra-money-making work on our end. We chose to write an update letter to select friends and family members (only the ones we were in regular contact with) letting them know of our plans to travel to Uganda to serve the orphan ministries there. We mentioned very little about financial support and had our "if you'd like to help us financially" information as a P.S. in small italics at the bottom of the page. Then we prayed. A lot. We prayed that God would encourage people to support our trip not because we begged and pleaded and guilt-tripped them, but because they believed in what He would do through us. Because they wanted to give and give cheerfully.

We were blown away by the generosity that was poured out on us by such a small amount of people. Our trip costs were completely covered a few days before the deadline and the money still kept coming in. (Here's what we did with the overage.)

Another area that took a lot of faith was traveling all the way to Uganda once we found out I was pregnant. Especially since I would still be in my vulnerable first trimester. Especially because I couldn't get vaccinated. Especially because I was carrying twins. (My doctors thought I was crazy by the way and were non-too-supportive of my leaving the country in my condition, let along going to :gasp:: AFRICA of all places.) But as I mentioned in my previous post - after a few days of individual prayer, we both felt confident of God's sovereignty in the situation - whatever the outcome.

Sharing Uganda (which has held a piece of my heart since my trip there in 2006) with Devin was a very special experience for me. At the same time, this trip was very different from my first visit. Because of this, we were able to experience many new things together for the first time (for example: eating sugar cane which was freshly cut with a machete right in front of us). Serving along-side the man I love, in a country I love, among a people I love was something I will never forget.

(Devin loving on a whole pile of orphans - be still my heart!)

My only regret is this: We had an incredible team. A team full of amazing people who I probably didn't get to know as well as I could have had I not relied on/spent so much time with Devin. I wouldn't have changed the fact that Devin was there, I just wish I would have reached out of the "Hanson-comfort-zone" a little more.

This trip was amazing, made even more so by the blessing of having my husband serve along side me. Shoot - the blessing of having a husband with such a huge heart for those in need is a huge, amazing blessing all by itself! As I watched him play with, hug, minister to, and pour into the lives of so many orphans, I was reminded yet again of how truly fortunate I am to have this man that God has made my husband.

No Foolin' - TWINS!

2011-04-02T10:10:00.001-07:00

There may have been some rumors floating around facebook yesterday (on April Fools Day) that I am pregnant with twins. I just wanted to take this moment to set the record straight and say that... it's all true! (Many thanks to those friends and family members who played along with us yesterday - we couldn't have pulled it off without your clever comments!)

TRUE FACT: Today, I am 13-weeks pregnant with twins.

Other Facts You May Be Interested In:

This was a surprise (yeah, no kidding right?), made doubly so by the discovery we would be welcoming TWO unexpected blessings into our lives.
My due date is October 11th - one day after our two year wedding anniversary (ironic? yes.)
The twins are fraternal. For which I blame my great-great grandmother, Laura for. She is the only one on either side of our families who ever birthed fraternal twins. So apparently twins do run in our family, which was news to me. (My cousin Sarah has identical twins, but that isn't the same gene.)
I was 10 and 11 weeks pregnant while in Uganda (how's that for a babymoon??). Because of this, I learned a lot about trusting in God while there and while deciding whether or not to cancel the trip when we found out I was pregnant (six weeks before we were suppose to leave.) We both felt strongly that God had provided so amazingly for this trip and He knew we were going to be pregnant, so we needed to still go and trust in His plan whatever happened. Which worked out great.
Because I was pregnant, I was not able to get any of the vaccines for Uganda - thus leaving me susceptible to malaria and typhoid fever. I took what precautions I could (long sleeves, leggings under my skirts and a small amount of bug spray). I didn't get one bug bite the entire time I was there - a testament to God's protection and the answered prayers of our parents and siblings (who knew before we left).
My first trimester pregnancy symptoms have been mild - which I am exceedingly grateful for, especially since symptoms can increase with twins.
Both Devin and I are very excited about our little surprises. It's actually laughable how not in the plan this pregnancy was - beyond ironic really. But I'll write all about that in a future post. For now, here are some sonogram pictures of our little cuties:

7.5 weeks: Surprise! It's twins!!

12.5 weeks: Baby A

12.5 weeks: Baby B

Uganda Stories: Giving More

2011-03-31T15:36:00.000-07:00

Our team organizing lots and lots of donated supplies
(photo courtesy of my wonderful teammate, Katie Hobson)

One of my favorite nights in Uganda was towards the end of our trip when we sat down as a team to decide how to use the overage money that we had raised for our trip. Personally, for Devin and I, God provided for our trip expenses in some really cool ways - above and beyond what we needed. As a team, God gave us over $9000 combined extra and we were able to hugely bless the ministries that we worked with in Uganda. It was so great. If I could spend the rest of my life giving away $9000 worth of blessings every day to needy people, I would be one happy camper.

This was cash donations in addition to the 40+ mattress we raised money for and the 20+ suitcases we brought with us which were full of supplies - shoes, clothing, deodorant, diapers, school supplies, etc. How awesome to be able to give so much back and what a neat experience to decide how to tangibly blessed all of the wonderful ministries we had served and fallen in love with over the week. Here's all we were able to do through God's abundant provision:

Canaan Children’s Home:

Five, one-year sponsorships for five of the orphans living at Canaan (covers food, care and school fees)
One, one-year scholarship for an older child who has "graduated" from Cannan and is on their own now trying to pay for life and college (at 18-years-old)
A gift of $200 for newly-weds and amazing staff members George and Sylvia
A gift of $100 for our incredible cook Annette who is a sweetheart-and-half and works so hard to send her two children to school (but only gets to see them twice a month)
A gift of $50 to each Auntie and Uncle at the orphanage (the incredible people who live with and help raise all the children at Canaan)

Pillars of Hope:

One full-sized loom
A double supply of thread
(the above will be used for the branch of the ministry that helps rehabilitate prostitutes by teaching them a trade skill)

Return Uganda:

A full term of school for the children sponsored through Return Uganda
Six months rent for the house these children live in
A gift of $400 for the feeding program that provides meals to over 300 children in the community

Royal Hope Academy

A gift of $1000 to be used where most needed (probably for food and to cover school fees of children whose parents can't afford it, which is the vast majority of the 400 kids who attend the school)

GOD IS GOOD! And what a blessing to be a part of doling out all these blessings!
Looking forward to telling you more about our experiences falling in love with each of these ministries.

Tids and Bits of Uganda

2011-03-27T22:05:00.001-07:00

I'm still not quite sure how to tell all the stories that we were privileged to be a part of during our trip to Uganda. There are so many and I'm trying to figure out when and how to tell what and which. It will come eventually. But for now, there are a few things I can put to words tonight:

Our team was amazing. Seriously the best group of people I have ever traveled with (I've traveled with quite a few). No complaining, no bickering or attitudes, everyone got alone great and each person was always willing to jump in and serve wherever their help was needed.

God handpicked some incredible people to be a part of this team, including Faith, who has a deaf daughter and was able to sign with a couple of the deaf orphans we worked with (wow! was that heartwarming to watch.) Dianna and Jeff, who each had years of children ministry (teaching and music) under their belts and were able to lead our VBS sessions with tons of heart and energy. Katie and Anne, who always had a sea of children around them (seriously - they were kid magnets) and never seemed to loose the energy to smile, love and play with all of them. Welch, our southern gentleman who took such good big-brother-style care of all that gals and set up WiFi for the orphanage (hello!) Everyone - Bret, Simon, Stephanie, Kim, Shelby, Ron, Angie, Maddie, Brenda (and Devin :-) - brought something incredibly special to our team and it was amazing to see such a clear example of the different parts of the body of Christ working so seamlessly together.

The children we worked with were some of the sweetest I've ever met. Not only were they (for the most part) polite, eager to learn, full of smiles, fun, silly, cuddly and adorable, they were such little love sponges. I know the reason behind their deep need for love is a sad one, but even so, it was such a joy to shower love on those precious kids and receive back their eager love tenfold. Being able to tell them that they are made in God's image and because of God's love for them they are never truly orphaned, was so beautiful.

Pictured left is my little love sponge Jane. She lives at Cannan's Children Home and was my little shadow the whole week. She'd wait for me when we had team meetings/meals, and come running to me with the biggest smile on her face every morning. The first time I met her, she fell asleep in my lap within an hour of our introduction. Melt. My. Heart. She fell asleep in my arms two other times and once I got to carry her to bed and tuck her in. I love this sweet girl and it was so hard to leave her.

The adults who cared for these children were unbelievable and the influence that their love and discipleship has on these kids is so obvious. For the most part we worked with children who are being (in some form or fashion) cared for by a group of Christian adults, but occasionally we would have some of the neighbor kids join our group. The difference in behavior between these children and the children that had positive adult influences was night and day. It was bittersweet to see - wonderful to see what a difference those adults were making in the lives of the kids they serve, but sad to see how many children were still without that influence. I'll talk more about each of these leaders and their work in future posts.

More to come soon, but right now I don't think I can fight off the jet lag any longer. Good night and fingers crossed that I don't wake up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 2:00am for the third morning in a row...

Back from Uganda and feeling... umm...

2011-03-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

After 40 straight hours of travel, Devin and I arrived safely and gratefully home from Uganda on Wednesday night. There is so much to tell and so many awesome, though bittersweet, moments to relive for you through stories, photos and video, but right now I need a few days (weeks?) to process everything and readjust to life here. There is just so much running through my mind that I think I might just short-circuit if I don't take some time to mentally rest.

I'm feeling all sorts of conflicting emotions - energized, but jet-lagged. Excited, but sad. Happy to be home, but missing some especially special kiddos. Knowing some things for certain and wondering about a whole lot more.

There is so much to tell. The next couple of months here on the blog will be full of all sorts of stuff that will make you giddy. Stay tuned.

Off We Go!

2011-03-11T01:00:00.002-07:00

Please pray for Devin and I as we travel to Uganda, Africa (March 11-23rd) to love on some beautiful orphan children there. I'm so looking forward to sharing our experiences with you when we return! (I will not have much, if any, internet access while in Uganda, so you'll have to wait for all the stories until we get back.)

Thank You to everyone for all the support, prayers and words of encouragement that you've pour out on Devin and I over the past few months while we prepared for this trip - we have been so incredibly blessed by you! God has used you in unbelievable ways in our lives. Thank you.

Uganda Update: Royal Hope Academy

2011-03-07T09:00:00.001-07:00

We leave for Uganda THIS Friday!

Day 11

Ministry Spotlight: Royal Hope Academy

Royal Hope Academy was started two years ago by a college-age gal named Rebecca Sorensen. Much like Katie Davis, Rebecca spent three months teaching in Uganda and then made the decision the move there permanently to serve the children of Uganda.

Royal Hope Academy provides Christian education and discipleship to 240 orphaned and/or poor children in Uganda. Rebecca herself was a "partial orphan" who was abandoned by her father at a young age and struggled deeply with feelings of rejection growing up. Because of this understanding and background, she takes special care in helping the children at RHA find healing and wholeness through the love of their Heavenly Father.

"Since February 2009 when we first started the school, at least 100 children have come out of polygamist Islam, witchcraft or Rhasta into the marvelous light and love of Jesus Christ, really knowing what it means to give Him their hearts and lives. They have learned that they are loved by their heavenly Father, the King of Kings, and that they have been adopted as princes and princesses into His Royal family. Many have been delivered of demonic oppression, healed from diseases and conditions, and certainly saved by the marvelous love of our Faithful Father. They have developed a compassion and a generosity for others as well through a weekly offering they give to help someone in the community who is in need." - Rebecca Sorensen

Rebecca with some of the students from RHA

That last sentence just makes you smile doesn't it? Here are these extremely poor children who have such a compassionate heart that they still find a way to help others in need. Wow.

Our last day in Uganda will be spent with these kids and we'll reaffirm RHA's message of hope and spiritual adoption through our "In His Image" VBS lesson and activities. These kids sound pretty amazing and I am looking forward to meeting them.

Uganda Update: Serving the Least of the Least

2011-03-04T09:50:00.004-07:00

In exactly one week from right now (9:50am MST), Devin and I will be flying to Uganda!! To celebrate, here's the story of another group we'll be serving while there:

Uganda Day 10
Ministry Spotlight: The Karamajong

Many would consider the people of Uganda to be "the least of these," yet even among this extremely poor nation, there exists a sub-population that is viewed at as the lowest of Ugandan society. This people group is treated as societal outcasts simply for who they are and where they were born. They are the tribe of the Karamajong and they represents the poorest of the poor in Uganda. On March 20th, we will have the privilege of serving them as Jesus would - with love and without social condemnation.

Because the Karamajong are not accustomed to being treated this way, our team leader has warned us that they will often bow down to the ground upon first introduction, simply out of respect for the visitor. It is the way they express how humbled and honored they feel that "the Americans" (or anyone of importance in their eyes) would desire to spend time with them. Especially in light of the fact that they are shunned by their own countrymen.

I am so looking forward to meeting this tribe, because it is they that have made the beautiful magazine beads that I use in my "We're All in This Together" crosses. Their works of art inspire me and to have the honor of meeting them will be so incredible.

From what I understand, we will be working primarily with the Karamajong children - busing them into the city in order to have a special VBS day just for them. It is very likely that these sweet kiddos have never ridden a bus before, so I'm sure the day will be an adventurous one for them to say the least. Just to give you an idea of the world these kids live in, here is a except from Katie Davis' blog: "These [children] are so devalued by society and even their own parents that they are not even given names."

Amazima Ministries with some of the Karamajong children

It will be so amazing to tell these children (who have been told by society, and sometime even their own families, that they are worthless) that the God of the universe loves them and has made them in His image! Perhaps for the first time in their lives, they will be told that they are special and that God knows who they are. I get chills just thinking about it.

Read more about the Karamajong here.